Lewis

I went to the BDM on June 26th and lodged the name change form. For some reason I hadn’t anticipated how nervous I’d feel that day. It’s a life changing decision, so I should have seen that coming. I did what I usually do in those situations – remind myself the decision was already made thoroughly and with reflection, and it doesn’t matter how I feel on the day.

Form lodged, it didn’t take long to grow impatient… which I took as a positive sign. About a month later my new birth certificate came in the mail. Strange day. It was a new experience, and I guess I just didn’t really know how to feel. Not helped by the sense of limbo brought on by the fact that I had had a new legal identity for eleven days without knowing it, until the certificate was actually re-issued and delivered. So far, no regrets (and none expected). I’m still not sure when and how to get the word out, but I’m glad I corrected a problem that has bothered me my whole life.

At this point, there’s just two more things to do (three if you count telling family),

1) Change over registrations, documents, bank accounts, etc. to my new name.
2) Spend a lifetime correcting people’s prejudices re: birth name vs. “real” name (“It’s not his real name… he just went through a permanent and legal process in which his original birth certificate was ammended, changing his name to something he actually wanted.” – they usually leave off everything after “real name”).

Item 1 I’ll get on as soon as possible. Item 2 might take a little bit longer.

The space on the form for “What is the reason for changing your name?” is so small: one box with three lines. I could fill pages. I could also tidily sum it up with “Because I can / Because I want to”, but I don’t want to write something pithy and risk them thinking I’m not taking it seriously enough. I started writing down my reasons in a list so I could pick the best “official” one for the government form. But when I had them stacked up one after the other like that, I didn’t like the idea of picking just one. I also remembered I’d always intended to attach a letter and at this point I’m thinking that’s what I’ll do, writing “Please see attached sheet” in the reasons box. It’s nothing unreasonably long, but why is really important to me, and I think it’s also important that this official document actually reflects the full truth.

The more I live with my new name in my head, the more I think I’m making the right decision. The more I think I’m making the right decision, the less I care about the consequences if others disagree with that decision. I cannot live my life for other people, and ultimately whether or not people choose to be a part of my life is as much up to them as it is up to me. I’ll give people time, but I’m getting increasingly confident about just going ahead and making the change without fearing the consequences. It’s been a lifetime coming!

I had an idea for a new surname about six months ago that I’ve been seriously considering. I liked it, but it did have its problems.

A few weeks ago I came up with an alternative, and it was one of those obvious “Why did it take me so long to think of this?” staring you in the face sort of answers. I think that’s a good sign.

So on the plus side I have a more normal name in mind, and it suits me. On the minus side, I have to start the whole living with it to be sure process again.