SonjaPond

My problem is that I’m not completely sure about my sexual orientation. (I’m a girl) I’ve had about 7 boyfriends and, until recently, never thought seriously about being gay. I remember telling my best friend in 4th grade that it was quite possible that one day, I might be gay, and that I’d have no problem with it. She agreed. But it was never really a serious thing that I thought about much.
Until later, in about 6th or 7th grade, when I had this really cool, pretty, and nice ballet teacher. I really respected her and felt giggly around her. And when she’d touch my arm to correct it in ballet class, I felt butterflies i my stomach. What was going on! I was a bit freaked out, so I called my best friend and she said that it was probably nothing. So, I tucked it away and didn’t think about it any more.
But since then, I would get this feeling in my stomach, like I was really excited and happy and bubbly when I was around a woman who was really really pretty, cool, funny etc. It was always someone older than me, so I thought it was envy or I wanted to be like them, or something. But it happened an awful lot.
Then, when I really seriously thought I might be gay was when I watched the DS9 episode “Rejoined”. In this episode, two wonderful, beautiful, awesome women kissed. And I really liked it! It was the most romantic, beautiful thing I’d ever seen, and I got this feeling in my gut like Wow! And since then, I’ve thought about it and I do find women attractive. But they’re always women a lot older than me. And I’ve never been in a relationship with a girl, so I have absolutely no idea what it would be like. I don’t know if I would like it. Should I just sort of experiment? Should I try dating girls? It can’t hurt, right? Nothing’s written in stone.

I love photography! I’d really like to do more of it.

For the last few years, I’ve been so afraid to do anything, I’ve stopped living. My life is dull and empty because I just won’t do things. Anything at all!
I need to shape up.