SouthernFirefighter

I will always love her but now its a different kind of love, i couldnt make her love me again and there are far more important things to worry about. Right now it could be worse but im starting to like the way things are going, im tired of hanging on to false hope and i just hope whatever she does in life will make her happy. I did all that i could but i guess in her eyes that just wont enough, i can look back on it now and i know im not the one to blame i did all that i could and there was nothing wrong with us or the way our relationship was going, i just hope down the line some where she will think of me and whoever she meets i hope she will learn from this. Hang in there and never give up God dont give to many chances on love you can either take it and run with it or just go threw life waiting on that “one”...well it looked like we were the lucky ones cause we found love and we were the “one”. But now thats over and im not going back there is someone else out there that can use my love and will not let me down. Being friends just dont work and i let my emotions, the emotions you gave me get in the way. I need to do what i think is best, and by the looks of it your already doing your own thing and thats good, so im going to do mine. Its still a little to soon for me but ill let fate handle this one, but ill tell you this you can not go threw life hurting people and not reap what you sow. And whenever that is i wont be there to hold you and tell you everything will be alright. Im me again and i thank you for that cause i told myself a long time ago i was never going to change and that was for anybody. Well i changed for you and look were we are, all i can say is iv learned my lessons out of this whole mess and was it worth it? yes it was cause now im smarter and stronger, that wall that took so long for you to knock down well its bricks have been stacking back up little by little since the day you left. My heart may have a hole but it is well protected, and i wont let this bother me cause im over that and im over all the BS that comes with it. Im moving on and i couldnt be more happy, i know i promised you but like you said…now i have only broken one promise. You will see that i was the best you could get and really whats going to hurt the most is the day you try and come back into my life and all im going to say is “Sorry its a little to late”. And you and i know about me and my bad feelings, well i got one right now but its not really bad cause i will not hurt someone just to make you happy and give you what you wont. If you wont me back im going to need some proof and some fight cause right now your not showing me anything, and that right there just shows me a lot more that i have over looked. There at the last when we were almost at the end of our dirt road did you really mean it when you said “I love you to”? cause its funny how you never said I love you and i just wonder did you just say it out of habit or cause thats what i wanted to hear? Well it dont matter now, and i really truly hope your happy and i hope everything you wanna do in life comes true but you know whats not going to make it worth it?...I wont be there beside you. This is really the end, you have had your chance and this was the one test that was the most important and you failed. I hope you dont read this and if you do i hope this does not faze you, take this as whatever and put it in the back of your mind and forget about it. I promise you everything i say now will happen and then thats when you will think back, and there i will be…nothing but a memory. I did all that i could and i regret nothing, we had some good times and these past two years were the best years of my life and i will never trade them for anything. But im done and im over this, its time for a goodbye i know you have already said yours but its time for me to say mine. Courtney i love you, but now i find myself more pissed off than hurt over what you have done the old Chris is back and thats how its going to stay. This is goodbye and i hope where ever you may go its the right path. Become famous, change the world do all that stuff you talked about cause im going to do everything that i need to. Have a nice life and maybe one day we will see each other again and i will be prepared for it. Goodbye Courtney and i will always love you, forever just came up a little short.

I just wont to find that one special person that can stick with me till the end. I wont to be more comfortable around that person more than anyone, i wont to share everything i have with her. I wont her to love me for me and not for what i have or dont have. I wont to be myself around her and shell love every second of it. I wont to be able to share my love and care for her, i wont to be strong for her and let her know im always here. I need someone that can show the same love back and never put me down but always build me up. Life is so short and i wont someone that sees that and will be able to stay with me till the day we both die. I wont that special place in my heart filled again, i wont to be able to give my heart and know ill never get it back. I wont her to treasure every second were together and know that no one could come between us. I wont to fall madly in love and never let it fade away, i never wont us to drift and always learn to fix whats wrong. I wont to be able to show my feelings and know she will always be there by my side. And no matter what i do in life i wont to know she will always be there with me, just like i would do for her. I wont her to look at my heart and know that everything i say is true, i wont to never be mad at each other for more than 5 minutes cause were to busy telling each other how much we love the other more. What i need, i need her forever.

Alright so i have been doing a lot better with my smoking, im on my last pack now and i have been smoking only half of a cig at a time. My ma is going to put me on Chantix to help me quiet, but im really going to do it this time.