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StillaMillionPieces




I'm doing 21 things
  
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find myself (read all 3 entries…)
Is this ever really achieved? 11 months ago

I think it is an ongoing process.. your likes and dislikes can change. As you learn more, you dig deeper in to yourself. Circumstances always change and you have to re-evaluate as you go.

People change…friendships change..Life events…

If you find that you are no longer learning, you are no longer alive.

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Get back with my ex (read all 4 entries…)
Day Off 11 months ago

I am off today as we had plans to go away and I couldn’t change it at work.

Doing housework and such. Visited friends new precious baby. I woke up this morning feeling very anxious.. it is his Birthday. I couldn’t sleep so I went back to my book (The Secret) I finally got tired and fell bacl asleep. I dreamt that I was sleeping on his couch. I woke up and he walked in. We looked at each other awkwardly. I stood up and said Hi. He said Hi, how are you doing? I said, Good, How are you? We hugged gently at first and then we started holding on as if for Dear Life. I fell over onto the carpet and he with me (LOL) and we just hugged tighter and both started crying. I started running my fingers thru his hair (I loved to do that)

Then I woke up.

That was the first dream I had in weeks. But it was just a dream..nothing more.

Geting thru this day will be Huge. Wish me luck!

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Get back with my ex (read all 4 entries…)
Arrrgghhh! 11 months ago

I am sick of thinking/talking/crying/ I am sick of this! I was thinking that we were doing the Mature thing by continuing to talk which to a point I still think was good. But…now everything is really on the table, we both know how the other feels. I am feeling like I am definitely Too available to him. Each time we talk he stll shares all his normal life things…we dn’t just talk about us..he tells me the latest about his work, kids, etc… Sooooo if we are broken up by his choice, Why should he still have me to talk to??? I think I will ask him not to call anymore for awhile. I am trying to approach this like a grown up. On the one hand, he ended what was supposed to be a lifetime relationship me so I obviously owe him nothing. On the other hand, we are over 40 and we were that close so it seemed silly not to talk. I dont want to be just friends so if anything else is to happen in the future, I can’t be there for him anymore. He needs to really miss me and he won’t if I am still always there. Plus the old “if you love someone set them free…if they come back it was meant to be, if they don’t they were never yours in the first place.

I also need to stay busier than I have been. Too much time = too much thinking. But when I feel depressed it is hard to get out there. I can walk for what feels like miles…I feel good doing that but I want to be around other people which I can’t do with red rimmed eyes. I had a good day yesterday then when evening hits…there I go, missing him.

Fake it till ya make it I guess.

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I want to:

The world wants to...

Go skiing keep my house cleaner jump off a waterfall pierce my lip stop eating chocolate Hedgemaid wants to grow my hair long feel better about myself go skinny dipping smile more often Fill every idea/sketch book I own eat more icecream Spend less time fooling around on the net and more time actually working own a beach house Learn to surf go to a midnight showing of rocky horror learn sign language be my own boss go on more roadtrips tonytam wants to go back to college get my driver's license Read my Bible more finish my dissertation bulgaria Ride a Camel find something I'm passionate about Eat more fruits and vegetables learn to rap