Subinse

Still awake. For some reason my top lip is swollen twice it’s size just on one half. I think it’s stress related. This just can’t be happening. All these years of my life now just mean what? They were a joke? Other than my kids, I feel so used and so wasted. Oh I wish I had been able to tell him “Don’t call me again” Of course, he wouldn’t have cared so that wouldn’t do anything for me but make me feel worse for that too….

How do I make it the rest of the night? I need a pill that will make me sleep for a month. Maybe I’d wake up and the pain would be gone. Maybe I’d wake up and he would be by my side, worried and sorry for the pain he caused me. Maybe I’d wake up and find it had all been a dream.

Maybe I need to wake up now and see how stupid I am.

I am recently divorced, and have been a stay at home mom. I have 2 years of university under my belt but I don’t have a clue what I want to do. My kids are teenagers so I am more free to get busy and by the time they leave home I want to have my future planned and be doing what it is I discover I want to do!

I was thinking going back to university but I now think maybe I want to do something in holistic medicine or like mind/body connection stuff. Reflexology or relaxation things. Something where I’d work at a health spa or a Dr.’s office that puts other kind of healing together with modern medicine. Perhaps open my own health spa or retreat (small but warm and intimate type place) and help others. I think I could do that by going to take courses to get certified and things rather than getting my degree. Anyway, I need to figure it out and get started.