Sunkissed04643

I seriously NEVER thought this day would come. I’ll spare the details…when you find someone you love and trust completely, having an orgasm will only bring you closer to them.

I went and got a couples massage with my friend Shannon. It wasn’t nearly long enough but soooo amazing. This is so worthwhile and worth the money.

This was so helpful! Most definitely do this if you have any doubts.

This was so worth doing and i’m so glad I didn’t back out. My grandmother was so ecstatic to get my letter. It made me so happy.

I don’t have too much pride to admit that I need to go back to therapy. I’ve been so stressed out and I’m afraid that I won’t handle it in the right way. I also don’t really trust anyone anymore – I need someone to talk to who isn’t going to run to the nearest idiot and tell them everything I said. I have two great friends I can tell anything to, but sometimes you just need a little more – just someone you can tell anything to – and then they can’t judge you or say anything.

I want to weigh 120 pounds so badly. I haven’t weighed this much since 9th grade. I used to be bulimic, so it will be a huge challenge getting to this weight in a healthy manner, but I’ve been so depressed with my body. I need to do this for myself.

I’ve already been to this mansion, I know – but I visited it again with my boyfriend for our anniversary. It was amazing! It was all decorated for Christmas. I highly recommend going that time of year to see the mansions decorated all holiday-like.

I got this tattoo – it is on my middle lower back in case you can’t tell. I was so nervous when I went in which is probably why it didn’t hurt so badly. The outlining was nothing…I could barely even feel the needle, but when he filled it in it hurt a little. I guess it really does depend on your threshold for pain, but I was fine. I got dizzy in the end but it was just because my blood sugar was low from excessive sweating. You sweat a lot when your adrenaline runs. It was definitely worth it though…I LOVE IT! I’m so happy I took a risk.

I’m getting my tattoo monday on my middle lower back. The only things I’m concerned about are pain and later in life when I go through childbirth. Hopefully the epidural will work. And I hope it looks ok…I really like it, but I have no idea what other people think…even though it is for me.

I keep looking online at clothes. I cannot wait for this day…I really can’t. I know I’m going to be an amazing mother.

I was just telling my boyfriends about this the other day. I have a lot of personal space. It’s almost to the point where it’s ridiculous. I just need my alone time. But I wish I didn’t get so fed up with people. Even just being talked to too much can trigger this feeling.

The more I think about him the more I long for this day. We’re so right for each other and just thinking about how, where or when this might happen makes me cry out of happiness.

As soon as I have the time for this I swear to god I’m going to do it. And when I can afford the ingredients…haha.

So I LOVE photographing things and I think I could have a lot better pictures if I had a better camera with more effects. My digital camera is probably one of the cheapest and foolproof cameras there is. I’m ready to upgrade.

I’m beautiful. I don’t need to lose 15 pounds. I’m normal weight and the only reason I want to lose 15 pounds is to see that number go down on the scale. The only thing that bothers me is the number. I KNOW I’m not fat. I’m perfect. I need to give up on this goal and stop harming myself to change that number on the scale.

So my boyfriend and I want to go to Canada for our anniversary, which is December 23rd. I’m thinking I need to get my passport soon.

I didn’t visit any, but my boyfriend and I did the cliff walk so we got to see a few!!

I just can’t bring myself to visit her grave. I’m worried I’ll get choked up.

So I’m still thinking of getting the same tattoo with the musical note and the heart in the corner. Perhaps I’ll make the musical note white instead of black. The white ink seems kinda cool and I could probably hide it easily. Then I’m thinking of maybe getting a small anchor on the corner diagonal to the heart. Then the heart would be like a symbol for me, the anchor a symbol for my boyfriend and the musical note – what brought us together. But then I think…jeez they warn you not to do that. Get tattoos of significant others. I know we’re not going to break up, but I still worry about getting something permanent like that, even if it is going to be small.

In North Carolina my goal was to take over 200 pictures – I took just over 100. That is still reallly good for me so I’m excited! I need to take more pictures…no amount will ever be enough!