I'm doing 39 things
He is a friend of two of my friends but we haven’t met eachother in person. We will meet face to face tomorrow.
The difference with this someone is that the first time we spoke on skype before I mentioned anything he said that he wants a serious relationship but he doesn’t want to rush things – he would like to be friends first, get to know someone, have that emotional connection way before things become physical. I smiled and told him if that’s what he wants it’s fine with me.
We haven’t met yet, so when we meet we would probably know whether it would work out or not.
I’m terrified that if we do decide to be together we will have “the talk”. The former someones I met left when they found out my big secret.
He knows I’m not as experienced as he is and he says experience comes with time and I shouldn’t worry about that. I’ve basically been pushing him away (thinking he would be better with someone else – I know I’m messed up) but inspite of all that, it’s like he really likes me.
I wish I told him how inexperienced I am, I wish I told him way before this point of meeting but I couldn’t – the words couldn’t come out. I stopped telling all the guys I meet, I let them figure it out for themselves. In this case, however, I feel deceptive by not telling him like I’ve been leading him on. For now he wants to get to know me and later he will want more and I will have to tell him, I will have to wait for his reaction to see if he will walk out me, send me away, never call/email again… or maybe just maybe (that 15% chance) he will complete this goal with me
