TRiley

I used to want to be an actor because most of my friends were successful at it and played the cheerleaders and the popular girls and football guys, but then I realized other things were more for me. And I know I am too old to play those kinds of rolls now and have had some allure to being more of a Tina Fey, Will Ferrel or Jane Lynch type. Though, I am not 100% acting is what I want to do. I loved it, but found the 5 minutes I pursued auditions to be kind of a pain. But now that there are movies like Hanna and Columbiana and they are making all of these women action-oriented films that star someone other than Angelina Jolie, I want to do that. I suppose it’s the first time I maybe regret turning down the Kill Bill stand-in double work. I have always been into martial arts and the fact is I’m a rare type…unless you go to Scandanavia. Then I’m a dime a dozen. Though, it’s probably a small number of them that have martial arts and fight training. It would even be cool just to double for an actress in an action film, ‘cause I’m not 100% I really want to be an actress and on camera in that capacity. Maybe I’m too self-conscious? Maybe just the fear of looking stupid and it being recorded. I don’t know, I just think it would be super fun to dress up as a bad a** and do stunts, more so than to be funny and sit-com-y.

When I first wrote this I must have weighed around 145, then managed between a break up and a new relationship to put on 5 lbs per relationship, putting me up to a never seen before 155. I lost the 15 lbs…so, I guess I completed my original goal of losing 5 to 10 lbs, which would have put me at 135-140. I am presently at about 140 or 141. Now I would like to get down to 132, which was my high school weight for about 12 years. Well 127-132 was what I fluctuated between for 12 years since high school. I look nice at 132 but my fear is being flat chested, which is why I stuck around the mid-30s. I figure I will lose 8 to 10 lbs to get down to 132 and see how I feel about my figure at that weight and go from there. I figure I will probably be happiest, between slenderness and having some trace of bossom around 134, but I would like to go the distance and see how I feel about it.

It wasn’t easy to lose the 15 lbs but it is much harder to lose the additional 8 to 10 lbs when I look good. I am less motivated because I am happy with the way that I look. It would be easier if I had a gym membership but they are so expensive these days and I get plenty of exercise. I just know that it would be fun to have the superhero slim body that I used to have. But it is much harder to get motivated to look awesome when you look good than to get motivated to look good when you look not so great. Thus the conundrum.

I’ve decided that rather than adding new places to my “43 Places” list I’m going to start checking them off and going there. It felt really good to check off an exotic location from there this morning and knowing that I had that experience. Funny, that at the time of going to an exotic place like Thailand I was so thrown off by the culture shock, the heat, and generally being an American out of my element, but now my memories of it are of one of the best adventures of my life. I only remember the things that I loved about it and the experience. Sure, I remember the fact that there is no soap and often no toilet paper in bathrooms and general dirtiness, but those aren’t the memories I focus on. They’re more like added elements and stories to laugh on in reflection. Just like there is never any regret in education I feel there is never any regret in traveling. They all broaden your experience, your mind and your view of life, people and the world we live in.

Well, this will be quite the fun little adventure around the world :)