Tamara Dean

I'm doing 8 things

Tamara Dean's Life List

  1. 1. Move out of my parents house into a place of my own
    1 entry . 1 cheer
    174 people
  2. 2. get a job
    1 entry
    12,558 people
  3. 3. Visit Japan
    1 cheer
    5,966 people
  4. 4. Fall in love
    1 entry
    27,235 people
  5. 5. let go of bitterness
    1 entry . 1 cheer
    8 people
  6. 6. write a book
    31,310 people
  7. 7. stop procrastinating
    30,415 people
  8. 8. Never be afraid of dying
    2 people
Recent entries
celebrate my benign schizophrenia
Yeah, man.

I can adapt to situations madcrazy fast, like how that guy said. =points down=

And I can be a chameleon and adapt to people’s personalities so that that I can keep the peace! xD Lol.

Though I do admit, the constant voice-like thoughts do get annoying with their negativity. . . but hey, that’s life.

let go of bitterness
I want to break free.

I am trapped by the bitterness, resentment, hurt, and grudges that I’ve built up and bottled up inside myself during my life. Most of it stems from my parents and their unintentional emotional (and therefore psychological) abuse. The other ever-growing part of it is my own dark and self-abusive thoughts drilling how not good enough I am to myself.

I want to be able to break free from this hellish curse, this entrapment in my mind. It’s swallowing up my life, and I need it to stop or else I’ll die. . . literally.

I still have hope that one day I’ll be able to break free. I think that that day may be getting closer and closer because I have been having more and more bouts of depression and anxiety / panic attacks, and the closer to ‘home’ I get, the more of a reaction from myself I get.

(I think I may have to have a breakdown to fix myself, but I’m so afraid of letting go. . . Sighs.)

Fall in love
I have too much love.

I fall in like sometimes instantly, and fall in love as soon as after a few days. I have known many loves, all of which were one-sided with my love being far stronger and over-powering than theirs.

One thing I learned is that, like many people’ve said, it is extremely hard to attain the mutual love status. I have yet to do this. This is what I consider to be true love.

I’ve never known this love, and now I both wish it and resent it. I resent not being able to find it, but a glimmer of hope still exists.

So yeah. . . we’ll see what happens.

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