So I am sitting here, drink in hand, hitting the refresh button with the consistency of a rat expecting a treat, and wondering what life is going to be like when I no longer have the refuge or distraction of this place to come to. Will I sink into a gooey pool of procrastination and ineffectiveness, or will I stand up, turn away from the screen, and go make my goals and dreams happen?
Too soon to tell.
I’ve likened the ending of the site to watching a beloved friend or family member pass away. We are gathered ‘round, we know the end is coming soon. We all want to be there at that final moment. Then there will be the wake, and all the eulogies will be silent. For a time I will view the corpse of my goals, until at the end of the year it is unceremoniously buried and marked with a 404 error code headstone.
What is 43Things’ will for me? What would be its final wish? I suspect it would gather its last breath, struggle upright, grasp my hand, look me hard in the eye with fierce clarity, and say: “Go out and live!” That is the best and most lasting tribute I can offer to a place that has been so much to me. If I do things, 43 things, 55 things, 1001 things, I honor this place and all the awesome people here by manifesting that spirit of seeing my life not as a completed project that needs repair, but as an unfinished work that is still growing, expanding, and becoming. Becoming what? Whatever I want.
I will not walk away from this “end of watch” with regret, although I will grieve. I will walk away with (dare I say it?) a kind of relief. I will walk away from a type of identity that I developed here. It is an identity that I carry around with me in my 3D world, where I frame experiences in my mind as if they were posts under my list of goals. I have set for myself a kind of sense of expectation for the identity I have here. “Tarrador says and does this, Tarrador is not interested in this kind of goal, Tarrador needs to do this…” and while it has helped me immeasurably to live out the identity I forged here, there is a passing of all things, and the constant evolution of all things. I need to grow and become, and being free from here will compel me to make serious choices about how I do that.
The energies generated by all the positive and affirming presences here are not going away. They won’t dissipate into the vast ether just because they cannot focus here. It may be more work to find them, because this place was such an amazing nexus of brilliant energy, but they remain, and their power is still there. And I intend to access that energy even when I can no longer do it from here.
My life changed because of my interactions and efforts on this site. My life is going to change again once it is gone. It will change in what I want and how I go about achieving it. The energy is still going to be there, as will my goal to change the energy as I can to benefit me the most.