“Doug” is a chef I manage who has been having a hard time lately. I describe his trials and my efforts to assist him in previous posts. I had to give him some stern reprimanding a few days ago, and it really pissed me off that his attitude was such that he didn’t seem to be doing anything to help himself or repay some measure of the help I and another manager had been providing him.
Thursday night he attended An Evening in Eden fundraiser with me and some other chefs. He rode over with me, and he knew exactly where the place was. Seems he has done volunteer work there before (albeit community-service, but I’m not splitting hairs). On the drive I talked with him about how things were going. He said he was getting things under control. His biggest challenge was staying out of his ex-wife’s business, but he was working on it. I was supportive and told him he was making the right choices.
We worked the event very efficently. Like always, Doug is not a thinker, but he is a doer. Give him a task and he gets on it. When that is done give him another task or else he will just stand there, lacking inititive. We got slammed by 350 people all wanting to eat now, and every time I turned around Doug was there to help.
As we left the event we encounted a drunk and homeless man who was alternately cursing and singing outside the facility. I told Doug to think carefully about the choices he was making with his life. No one was immune from ending up like the homeless man we had encountered. We talked some more and Doug said plainly he would never be like that, he was getting his life together, being careful, and taking responsibility. It sounded great to me.
Doug had to be back in the next morning at 3am for a breakfast. We were all nervous as to whether or not he would make it. He did, and he and another chef prepped the breakfast and loaded it up. They then took off in the company van, Doug at the wheel, and headed to the event. A few miles away they encoutered a police road block, randomly checking vehicles. When they asked Doug for his license he told them he had forgotten it at the kitchen. No problem, sir, just give us your name. Turns out Doug has been driving on a suspended license for six months. The police pulled him out of the van and arrested him on the spot. In Georgia you can go to jail for two to ten days and have to pay a $500 to $2,500 fine for driving on a suspended license. They would have impounded the vehicle as well, but the other chef had a valid license and was able to continue on to the event.
And that is basically the end of Doug. The acting exec-chef has summarily fired him. No other choice was available, really. Doug knew he had a suspended license, knew it was a violation of company policy for him to drive, knew he would still have been put on parties and employed even though he couldn’t drive… all this, and he CHOSE to get behind the wheel of a company vehicle and push his luck. I asked RQ if he was going to bail Doug out again, and he looked at me but didn’t respond. I get it. There is nothing more to invest in. There is nothing to be gained. No rescue to be made, no turn around to inspire. Doug is on his own, jobless, soon to be homeless, given over to the demons of his nature.
I feel bad, but I don’t feel responsible. We did what was reasonable, possible and meaningful for this man. Whether by pride or ignorance or some self-destructive defect that just won’t let him go, Doug has cast off every line of help or advice offered to him. I wish there was something more we could have done but mostly I wish Doug had just tried to help himself more. I wish he had tried to be true to the things he was telling me only the night before. No matter what we offered, he was the only one who could change his course. And he still is, but now he has to do it alone.






