I’ve been in a relationship for over 2 years now, my jealousy has sky rocketed from no prob to everyone is a potential threat.
I don’t like it, It’s not who I am.
I trust my loved one, and by no means do I own him, he is and will always be free to do whatever his heart so desires.
I know I’m just afraid to lose him, and I also know that I never truly will no matter what, but…
It’s a feeling I can’t quite control.
I’ve always lacked motivation.
It’s not really that I’m awfully lazy, I get things done when I need to. When I’m having company over in a few hours, BAM I’m up cleaning house like a mad woman. I’ve gotten better at forcing myself to do my responsibilities.
It’s the things I actually want to do that I have the worst trouble motivating myself to do. Even now this is a form of procrastination on a day I have some free time.
I’d like to stop being so lazy towards my hobbies.
It’s difficult for me to express how I accomplished this, the best way I can put it is, the love was always there inside of me, but it wasn’t until I made it into a better stage of my life that I could fully allow myself to feel it, give it and receive it.
You have to want it, try for it, risk it.
I have this lil’ app. called colornotes, and whenever I get the chance I write/text down some mostly short entries, and since I usually have my phone around me, and most people do, its easy to get into the habit of doing it frequently. Though you might loose all the info if anything happens to your phone, it might get you started in keeping a journal, and when you get used to it, upgrade to an actual notebook or somethin’.
There is also a project I had to do in art class called an Alter book, which would be a fun creative way to keep a journal. I’d really like to get into that eventually.
I bought an incredibly crappy wooden piggy bank for my sister, so I’m going to try and re-paint it and make it wonderful.
This is just the beginning.
I recently moved, and left all my friends behind. I have my sister and 4 roommates but it’s not really… enough? They are older, and I still feel like such a child, just wanting to have fun.
I have no real means of making friends, I go out of course, but It’s not like I’m in school anymore surrounded by social opportunities, more like, to stores, or the circus, where people are just minding their own business, or with who theyre with.
I guess what I’m saying is, how do you talk to a stranger? without it being awkward?
My sister and I always planned on getting a sisterly-love-bond twin tat, we’ve been trying to design it forever, but the more I think about it the more anxiety I feel, I love the look of tattoos, they are expressive and even damn sexy, but once I get one, will I regret?
I know I won’t if I am completely happy with the design, but then I think how it would actually look on me? If I’m the type of person suitable for a tat or would it look out of place? And that corresponds with what will people see/think of me with a tat.
Honestly, I couldn’t care what strangers think, but it’s just something to take into consideration.
On a side note, I also want some meaningless purely for aesthetic reasons tat, and somehow those seem easier to “jump the gun” on than the meaningful tat I want. Whats up with that?
“Fake it ‘till you make it”
Take a moment and decide how you want to react to something, do something you wouldn’t originally do, be rambunctious, and instead of trying to please everyone, cause some conflict, develop your own opinions and style, spend more time grooming yourself, listening to music and really try to understand why you like it, be active, be creative, talk to a stranger, hit on a sales clerk (just for dares, fun, or hey if you find them attractive.)
Maybe thinking about what your personality is/could be/should be is actually stunting it?
But don’t get me wrong, I’m in the same boat as you guise, trying to develop a personality, this is just some things I’ve been trying/striving to try, because really in the end you really have to push your self and take risks, I think.
I really relate to what most everyone has commented, and hope to be happy and comfortable with who I am one day.
