TennisNatie515

I want to be able to actually decide on things in life rather than be hesitant all the time. I want to be able to trust my decisions and be more self-confident. I have the tendency to get scared and doubtful, so that’s why I want to be able to feel sure aobut myself and confident.

And my other concern is to be firm about my beliefs and opinions when it comes to sharing them with a boyfriend. I have the tendency to be too nice to my boyfriends that I actually let him overpower me. In my last relationship, I was under the impression that my boyfriend got really comfortable with me, he knew I was always there for him and I always worked around his schedule all the time, more than he ever did. So that’s what I REALLY want to improve about myself: to not be taken for granted and to put my foot down for good when i am not happy or not being treated equally with respect.

Well its been a little over 3 weeks since my boyfriend of 2 and 1/2 years broke up. I’ve been coping, trying to keep myself busy and think of other things like plenty of people have suggested. Without friends and even this website of encouragement I wouldn’t be where I am today. I was doing A LOT better and just when I thought the impossible was going to happen IT DID …..

Jason my ex, INSTANT MESSAGED ME on AIM on Thursday, exactly 3 weeks after we broke up. I was surprised and happy at the same time, but also shocked and scared. He was like “Hey, just wanted to see how things were going” and then asked me when I was leaving for Paris (Im going for 4 months, big issue of why we broke up). So we talked for like an hour and 1/2 that night about casual stuff and I was happy cuz I was at ease, feeling “oh he did miss me a bit” especially when I had battled SOOOO hard not to talk to him. I felt content that HE reached out to ME. So that went ok, but now….

I’m back to feeling crappy, if not crappier. Because I was happy that he reached out to me, I almost wanna reach out and see him or talk to him, “as friends,” just to see him and have his attention. Isn’t that ridiculous!? It’s almost as if, because he came to check up on me 3 weeks later, that I actually want to see him, but Im afraid it’ll actually hurt me MORE and make me look like the “weaker one” who cant move on. I dont wanna look like “that girl” that returns to him after all the betrayal even though I still love him. I dont want to return to him persay, but I think in the back of my mind I want to see him so he could snap and be like “wow, Im really sorry I messed up” but who knows if that will even come?! So I dont know what to do, should still try to talk to him a bit once or twice before I leave for France or just not and see if HE will talk to me? I know I want to say goodbye during my last week before I leave as a sign of friendship, but as of now I’m trying to wait til then and its REALLY HARD AGAIN. It got harder since he Messaged me and I dont wanna do something stupid. ADVICE PLEASE, ANYTHING HELPS :)

Alright, so this is my story. I had been this guy for 2 and 1/2 years and I was his first girlfriend and he was my second serious relationship but I have NEVER felt this sentive to a break up because we seriously were perfect for eachother and were always happy. We had been having problems for the past couple months now that we are both in our second years in college and have to deal with a long distance relationship. He wanted to take a “break” during June so we did and there is a lot of drama where that came from but we decided to get back together for summer because he realized he wanted to be with me still. Unfortunately the whole time this summer he was apprehensive of the fact that I am going to Paris for 4 months in September and because of that kep himself at a distance so as not to be too hurt when I leave. I didnt like that and I told him about it because I figure we could just enjoy our time that we had now. Then things got so much harder because he started working 60 hours a week and everytime we would hang out he’d be tired and almost kind of irritated. Finally I started noticing that he would get irritated for every little thing i did, like calling him during work or telling him he’s acting like he’s not all into me. He would always be like “Well I’m trying but you dont seem to understand how busy I am this summer.” I began to feel unhappy because he just didnt seem as excited to hang out with me anymore, it was almost tiring him to drive me out to dinner or talk on the phone. Yet, he’d be like ” I wanna be with you.” Til finally he was just like “you bitch too much, you are nagging me all the time,” which was mainly because I would be telling him how he had stopped saying I love you first or i miss you. He would only be happy if he was happy, if things went his way, and I felt that he was respecting me and MY feelings less and less. I felt he became really selfish without noticing because I would always have to be the one to work on his time and call him. And if something came up in MY life or I didnt get his phone calls he’d be like “You are complaining I dont call you and now YOU can’t pick up the phone and YOU nag all the time”...

... Finally we broke up like 4 days ago and I am having the HARDEST coping with this because I know I should be thinking of the bad, but I keep thinking about the good and MOST OF ALL I keep thinking “Is he thinking about me?” “Does he regret treating me like he did” just everything is running through my head. My friends have been supportive but I constantly need advice and support even from people I dont know, even the internet. All just to know that I can feel better soon, and even be excited to leave next month to study in France. I could tell there was love somewhere when we broke up, and I know this is the best thing to do, but I cant seem to move on, or at least stop thinking about him. I always want to call and luckily I havent.

If any of you guys out there have any advice on how I can just move on that’d be great. MOST OF ALL, if any of you guys can come up with any explanations to his behavior since this summer that’d be great too, and especially right now, I hope he still cares or is questioning everything. Two and 1/2 years doesnt go unnoticed like that :(