TheL0velyL0la

ok…now, if i say i have to buy a new camera (and a better one) to get motivated, could it be considered as avoiding?

Always fears, fears and fears. I don’t talk to that person because i’m afraid of what she or he will think of me, or worse, of what others will say if i suddenly become so sociable.
I feer wearing a more interesting outfit because it might, but just might, not look wrong but attract too much attention. And, after all, you know that something interesting has more chanches to be disliked than something plain and generally accepted.
Many told me i should start writing a book and i always tell them i’m not wise enough for that yet, but the truth is, i’m so afraid i will never be content with what i write since i am a perfectionist. My book would be, in a way, my self. I’m scared to death to create a mediocre and disapointing reflection of mine.
Oh, and the list goes on. I’m scared to dance, scared to voice my opinion, scared to listen to whatver music i like, scared to suddenly talk to people, or to act cheerful, order at starbucks, be bold, be spontaneous or be funny….in a way, i’m scared to live
And when people accidentally or forcefully discover how i really am they are surprised. “Where have you been hiding so much colour?” they ask. Where? In myself, behind this safety, cowardly “fear-wall”.