Tigerbabii

Ok, so I’m only 16, so legally, my parents have to support me. But they don’t. They’re broke, so my grandmother does, and she always has, and she never fails to remind me of that. I want to get a job and make my own money so I can support myself, so I can eventually pay her back, and so that I will feel like I don’t owe her my life anymore.

So, I’ve figured out that I don’t have to be skinny to be wanted, because there are plenty of fat hot girls around me. I’ve figured out that I want to be skinny for me. I’m not fat, but I’m not skinny. I need to lose my pudge, and fast, because if I don’t do it now, the pudge could escelate from pudge to blubber, and from blubber to big bones, and from big bones to fat, and from fat to obese. And I’m only saying this because fat runs in my family. Just saying.

I write about this alot in my personal diary, but I figured why not make it an actual concrete goal. I would like a boyfriend. I say boyfriend because I’m 95% positive that I’m not a lesbian, and 5% unsure. So, as of right now, I want a boyfriend. I want someone who will love everything about me unconditionally because that’s all they know. And family doesn’t count. Family has to because they’ve watched you grow and know that they really have no choice but to accept you. I want a boyfriend who isn’t neccessarily perfect. I’ve found one guy who’s offered, and he’s perfect, and that’s how I know that I don’t want perfect. He’s too perfect. I need a guy who I can argue with, who I can make bad decisions with then laugh about the next morning, who can talk about everything with me, even the embarressing stuff. I just need one person to feel emotion with.

I’ve been watching Grey’s Anatomy lately, and I chalk all of this “wanting to feel” talk up to that. I’ve never been in love, but I feel like I’m missing some essential part of me that can only be filled by feeling love.