Tiisi

Turtle: I bought hiking boots last night, another little turtle that needed to happen if I want to be able to use my feet in future. I was putting it off because I didn’t trust myself to buy the “right” ones. Silly.

Gym: Nearly got in an accident driving to the gym and decided a balance workout was a very bad idea. I need sleep. Still haven’t been this month but haven’t given up on 16 times. We’re going away this weekend, but I’ll make it somehow.

Sleep: I took a full Ambien, fell asleep somewhere between 9-10pm, woke up at 3am and fell back asleep around 6am and got up at 7am. That’s not a bad night for me, but given that I had taken a sleeping pill, not great. I see the doc this morning. I hope she’ll have some suggestions or refer me to the sleep center. I’m kind of losing it.

Blue enamel earrings won’t
Make her bed bigger, unpack
Boxes of pictures she needs
To store or burn, hang the
Curtains she hasn’t yet sewn,
But they bring back the girl
Who tossed boys into the
River as if she were a tree
Limb, certain of her power,
Unimpeachable on the shore.
Were she there now, she
Would still admire his broad
Back, quick laugh, but would
Note his small meannesses
Toward the more timid or
Slow. She knows now small
Meanness will grow if not
Trimmed early, would feel
Sorrow for how it will swallow
Him whole, then admire the
Enamel blue eyes of the
Resident bookworm, who
Has scaled the impossible
Cypress for protection. The
Earrings solve little, but little
Needs solving today. Ther e
Is tomorrow and memories
More to be rewritten; she
Bends to choose a ring and
Finds the gold of another’s
Summer skin, and smiles.

Turtle: Yep, another turtle step out of the way and it was a big one; contacting two local shamans to see if they were willing to journey for me to help clarify how I am meant to use my spiritual gifts. I am also steeling myself to ask Mr. Yes if there’s anything of mine that he wants if I die before him, so I can put it in my will and get that done.

Gym: I’ve got a training appt in 50 minutes and am still unsure if I’ll keep it or take the hit for not canceling 24 hours in advance. I am so tired that I scared myself a few times driving to the post office earlier today. I don’t know that a balance workout is a great idea! I’m also nauseated and have been all day. I think going home and hydrating might be my best bet. BUT, since it’s late enough I’ll have to drive to the gym to tell him in person, I will have made one of my 16 trips to the gym!

Sleep: Appointment with my doc at 10:45 tomorrow morning. I’m a bit worried she’ll mention the Ambien again, but I am not willing to take a habit-forming drug three or four times a week. I don’t know if that makes sense or not, but it’s how I feel. I’m so out of it today I don’t know if anything makes sense or not! What the hell is up with me?! I’m literally having trouble forming sentences and I got at least five hours of sleep last night.