Titch898

I don’t know what I am here for.
I know everyones is different, and people feel and think differently. But I want to find out who I am, and why I am here…What do I have to offer.

I took the 43 Things Personality Quiz and found out I’m aFun Loving Lifelong Learning Builder

I really do swear to much really. It’s a bit bad, I’m always being told to watch my language, don’t say that, oi don’t swear, wash your mouth out, thats not lady like,yada yada yada.

It really is bad!

So far I have proceeded to changing the word ‘Shit’ to ‘Poo’
I still have to conquer every other swear word known to man….. and woman! TUT.

I had depression when I was at high school. I got pulled out of high school and had tuition with other troubled kids. I was going to have therapy and all that but I chose not to, I didn’t want to seem like a complete nut. When I started school tuition I soon made some strong bonds of friendship and still hold a few of those bonds to this day. This was over 5 years ago.
I have recently finished college and am stuck with what to do with my life, and I have had a very rough time with a few people, and also with my family, not only to find out that I am in debt from university-which i quit because of my depression, a huge decission with which I had to make. Everything just makes it all a whole lot worse. I’m not sure how my depression has been retriggerd. I can only guess it’s stress related from alot of things that have piled up over time.
I want to get help, I’ve asked my boyfriend and close friends who I thought would stick by me and help. I have a few friends, but not all of whom I would have expected, I feel so alone, but I guess you do find out who some of your true friends are. I sort of have my boyfriend helping, but I can set his depressive state off with mine and we end up pushing each other away, sometimes I don’t know what to do, we always just manage to pull through in the end, I hope I don’t push him away with my depression, I can only fear it would make it worse.
I have just about gotten over wanting to harm myself when things get tough, and I hope I don’t ever feel that way again, all I try to think about in that state of mind is how much I love my boyfriend and how I cannot hurt him for hurting myself, I know I would never forgive myself.
Anyway I am trying to get out of this depressive state, I don’t have much support but I’m trying hard.
I decided to set up a thing where I write down all the things that make me happy, I put them all in a nice colourful box and named it ‘Happyness’, it has taken sometime to put together, but when I am feeling sad or down and extremelly depressed, I am going to look at all the things that make me happy. I have also done the same for everything that makes me sad and put them in a box labeled ‘Sadness’ (one a little less appealing), I will not open this box, only to put everything sad I am feeling inside it.
I hope this works and when I am hopefully feeling a little happier and confident I want to let my boyfriend read the contents of both boxes, so he can see how I have been feeling, and to see what I am trying to do. :)