TrueFreedom

Beginning of the month and still trying to decide what habit to focus on… Maybe menu planning each week before I shop… hmmm…

So yeah, after being away for a couple weeks my bf and I really missed each other. We’ve ended up passionately kissing a few times and that is not a good idea when you are not in a position for things to go further. We both felt very tempted by the situation we created so we know we gotta cool it down so long as we aren’t married. Anyway, that’s my update :)

I am back from a long trip where I thought I’d have more internet access but I didn’t. Oh well, I’m home again and just wanted to say hello and that I was thinking of all of you. I missed you guys :)

Hi everyone. It’s been a hectic week so I haven’t had the chance to post. Just wanted to let you all know you’re in my thoughts and prayers. The coming week is also going to be challenging, but I’ll try to check in.

Two days ago I had climaxed several times without touching but I’ve been ok since then. Yesterday was very hard but I made it through! I felt bad about some of the thoughts I was having which encouraged the feelings, so today I went to confession and amazingly my temptations immediately disappeared! Thank you God,for the relief! :)I don’t know why I am so surprised since this has happened many times before but I guess I’m just amazed at God’s goodness to me especially when I am at my weakest:)

I am back from bf’s house where we celebrated a birthday- yay :)Things have been kinda rough but are beginning to look up :)

Got hurt yesterday and felt even worse today :/ temptations all day too but I’m ok

Stressful day with certain family members but I can’t let that ruin my day. I am working on being more resilient when I’ve hit a rough patch. Sometimes a nap helps me pretend like it’s a brand new day so I can start over, lol. I know I have to find some peace so this doesn’t lead to temptations. Hope you are all doing well, guys :)

It’s been an uneventful,quiet day with no temptations- unlike last night but I made it through :)

I have felt pretty crappy all day but I’m fine I guess. I was helping out a family member today who never is thankful for anything I do for her and it really gets to me sometimes. It’s probably a good reminder for me though, that I shouldn’t be doing it to be thanked anyway. Don’t worry, I’ll get out of my funk it’s just one of those days :/

Yesterday I had a spontaneous “O” but only once which is rare for me. Mad at myself that I didn’t resist it but I didn’t touch or anything so that’s a plus I guess. I’m improving little by little but still trying to figure things out a bit now that I haven’t mbed in quite some time.

Feeling a bit under the weather today but on the bright side, temptations have been particularly low for it being this time of the month so I’m happy for that :)

So here I am half awake but wanted to let you guys know that I am still doing ok even after my rough patch last week. Yesterday and today I had some strong temptations but got through them thankfully. Both times I allowed myself to be distracted throughout the day from what I should have been focusing my time and attention on. So I shouldn’t be really surprised that I’d be more tempted when I am not as focused on what God would want of me. What God wants of me is always what would bring me the most happiness in the end anyway, so why do I resist Him so often?

This week I had another occurrence of orgasms without touching. I blame myself because I had created the perfect storm- I ate too much at a party, was up late and had caffeine late which caused tension in me. I was just sitting up being lazy because there was nothing much to do late at night, when all of a sudden the feelings came on and that was that- I was a goner. But the problem is that once it happened it changed my mind set and I started wanting it to happen and was no longer truly passive and detached. There was only one point where I briefly touched for a few seconds but I stopped myself so I can’t call this full on masturbating, but it was still very wrong of me. The orgasm happened without touching though my mind eventually ended up in the gutter and I even allowed myself to see some stuff I shouldn’t on television shows that had some nudity in it. I don’t like to see myself have such a terrible fall but it is what it is, and I must find a way to move on more cautiously than before and with a firmer resolve. Though I’m not counting this as full on masturbation since I did stop touching within seconds, I certainly would consider myself on a big fat day zero when it comes to purity- which is what is most important to me or at least what should be :/ I don’t want to just let this go and act as if nothing happened because that is part of my problem. On the one hand I know I am forgiven, but on the other hand I know I was a callous enough person to dive into the mud and roll around in it before standing up against these temptations and receiving forgiveness. Therefore, this time I’ve decided I want to take time to seriously reflect on why I fell and ask God for the grace and insight I need for a true change of heart and a deeper conversion so that I never again turn so willfully from grace. I am shocked how one day I can fight so hard against temptation but if caught in the wrong mood I fall apart. I’m so sorry to disappoint all of you that apparently I am not as far along with this as I’d like to be. I still have that feeling of compulsion and I seem to “go into a mode” after the first involuntary “O”. This is part of what I really need to work on along with not taking God’s forgiveness for granted, which is the biggest lesson I need to finally learn so I could definitely use some prayers for me right now :)

Been having some struggles but more on that later… first of all, where is everybody? I know this is usually a slow time of year but this is a ghost town, lol!

Today was a good day went to dinner and a movie with bf and then did a bit of reading in the cafe of a bookstore. Nice,lazy Saturday. I am learning how to deal when temptations come and help them pass more quickly. Back a few months ago this would not have been possible but I’m now beginning to get the upper hand. God really knows what He’s doing with me because He makes what used to seem impossible, possible. I may not understand but He always does :)

Today was a hard day. My friend with cancer is in the hospital as of today because he was having chest pains. I have had some temptations but I’m ok.

Hey guys, I’m tired from a busy weekend but glad that temptations I was having yesterday subsided :)

UPDATE AND TIPS: Well, I am definitely seeing the light at the end of the tunnel with this goal! You all know how much I was struggling with temptations a while back but now things have really calmed down to the point that I really am thinking about this very seldom. I am healthier now than I’ve been in a while and I feel really good about where life is leading me.

I know all of you can make it to your goal so just don’t give up and remember that it is a choice! If you choose not to act when these feelings come along your body will not explode, lol. If necessary, you will have a wet dream, no biggie. Most guys I know who beat this say that this happens less and less over time, averaging maybe once a month. But this takes time and everybody is different. Also, it is best not to freak out when temptations come but just accept that you are going to have these feelings at times and there is no sin, so long as you are not encouraging them. Instead just accept them for what they are: sexual feelings that are separate from your will. Remember that a healthy sex drive is a good thing! We are just waiting to act on it at the proper time. The fact that we can choose not to act on our impulses is part of what makes us human. Animals have to obey their every impulse but humans through reason can exercise their free will to choose. Free will is God’s spectacular gift to us, so use it! :)

Just stopping by before I crash for the night. Things are going really well. I got through the hardest part of the month for me with no problems whatsoever. That doesn’t mean that temptations don’t come but I just accept their presence and go on with my day. My temptations are becoming very manageable again just like they were before. (God willing) I think things are finally getting back to normal again! :)