caiti awesomepants

i’m so terrified of what we’re doing.

i don’t like how you compare me to her…i mean, obviously you’re going to do it. i do it, too…but can’t you just keep it to yourself ? i’m not going to be like her…in many ways. if you really think about it, that’s a pretty good thing. when you do that, it makes me feel like you had more fun with her than you’re having with me. you wanted to know why i’m so self conscious and nervous around you ? that’s it.

i hate how you ignore me unless it’s just the two of us. it makes me so self conscious. are you ashamed of me ? is there something wrong with me ? i don’t understand. i’m so confused.

i’m crazy about you. you have to know that. i’ve liked you for forever. you’re my best friend. i want this to work so badly. but i can’t help being paranoid that you’re going to back out on me…i’m scared you’re messing with me…and i think a lot of that is because i feel so pressured, even when we’re not dating. if you expect this much out of me…i’m worried that you’re just doing it to see if you can. i hate myself for thinking like that because you’re a good person, and i can’t see you doing that to anyone. but i can’t help it. i wish you’d reassure me somehow.

i’m so scared to tell you this stuff because i’m afraid that you’ll think i’m an idiot if i do. i’m scared that you’ll just say, “wtf,” and think that i’m not worth it.
but another part of me can’t see you doing that to me. you wouldn’t.

^{good heavens, i need to get some sleep…}

well i just had to laugh

• my three’s were hot at the scrimmage this morning.
• i had a lovely little date last night. : )