VioletPink

The only “diet” that’s ever worked for me is the Atkin’s plan. I’m not going to lie…it isn’t healthy…but it works. I feel weak and stupid sometimes, because, despite losing about 30 pounds in a matter of months a few years ago, I couldn’t stay with it and I ended up gaining it back. Along with a lot more. And a lot to lose is a fuckload harder than a little to lose. Not only because it’s harder, but it’s combined with the knowledge that you reversed your success before. You know? Anyway. I needed to get it off my chest. I’ve been doing a lot of research on healthier, better-to-stick-with-long-term things to do.
And I’m not stupid. Eat less, exercise more. Drink water instead of soda, eat vegetables instead of french fries, have yogurt for breakfast instead of those BurgerKing croissantwich things. Knowing these simple things, you’d think being thin and healthy would be easy, and no one would be as fat as me. And I don’t pretend to understand it.
I think a lot of other things contribute to my weight…I have issues with self-esteem and depression (ironically compounded by weight issues) which can be discouraging as far as changing habits (anybody else ever had the thought, “it’s hopeless, I might as well eat what I want if I’m going to look like Jabba anyway”?) Heh. Sad but true, and kind of stupidly funny when you think about it. Also, I take medicines which are kind of notorious for making women gain and retain a little weight (example:birth control.) My mom and dad are both large, and I know that sometimes obesity is genetic.
So yeah. Sometimes it does feel hopeless, like the odds are stacked against me and I may as well give up on ever looking in the mirror and smiling at myself.
I’m not going to lie and say I’ve hit a turning point. Sometimes I feel like it’s pure frustration at this whole situation that’s driving me to make better choices and strive for even the tiniest improvements to my ridiculously stubborn body. So. Little changes.
I’ve been researching what kinds of foods are easy and good for you. Webmd is a good resource, because they have a lot of articles on changing your eating habits without scaring yourself off (the one on superfoods was good.) If you can look at lists of “good” foods, find ones you like and figure out a way to make that replace a “bad” food, I figure that’s a step in the right direction. Right? And now that I’m finally moved I feel like I can start making better eating habits (starting with actually cooking instead of letting the talented staff of Burger King do the work for me.) I’m still pretty clueless about portion sizes and when to eat what, but hey, every day’s a new lesson. And I’m looking for a new doctor in the area, so I’ll ask their advice.
Now it comes down to the bitch of it all. Exercise. I feel like I am an average beginner, despite the fact that I’ve been to the gym hundreds of times throughout my young adult (and, now, adult adult) life. There’s a gym at my apartment complex, which is good. I’ll be working on getting a routine down and figuring out when I can actually go…I think that’s going to be the hardest thing.
That, and not giving up on myself. The healthy, correct way is the one that takes the longest and feels the least “extreme.” Anyone will tell you that. And I am making an extreme change on my body and my life. What can I say, I wish there was a possibility for instant gratification. :-p
Wow, this was a lot of rambling for one night. But I feel a little better now.
Tonight was ok. I made some whole-wheat pasta with vegetables (those frozen “steamfresh” bags are fucking genius) and have been drinking lots of water.
The fireworks are beginning to go off outside. Happy 4th of July Weekend, everyone…be good and stay strong. Anyone else who’s following this goal, I feel your pain and I salute your strength.
Hugs.

My dad’s friends compete in Dragonboat racing, both in Portland and all over the country and the world. He was able to join one of his friends’ teams, UDragonU, and for the time while he was competing and training with them he was so happy and excited and healthy, that I wanted to join too. I watched them compete this year in the Rose Festival and it was really fun. I met a group of people from UDragonU, gave them my info and cross your fingers maybe if they have an open place for me, I can paddle with them next season!!!

As a graduation gift to myself, I caved and spent the $400 on a black 60GB video ipod with the NYU torch and “New York University” emblazoned on the back. It’s fantastic, and well worth the investment (just make sure you get the extended warrantee, as apple products are notorious for lasting 366 days and then getting sick.) There are so many options for this thing, and it’s AMAZING for travel (for example, I had an AV cable from my old photo ipod, which I got for free-yes, freeipods.com actually works!!- and you can hook it up to the tv and play videos you’ve downloaded from iTunes, clear as a bell.) Anyways. It’s not for those who enjoy saving money. But if you’re willing to drop the cash (or wait the many months and scam the many friends, as I did long ago to get my photoipod,) this is a gadget that’s worth the hype.