Yatata

So basically – what I can gather so far is that it’s all about fear. The more fearful a population, the more right wing it seems to be. This may explain the way individuals seem to become more conservative as they grow older and enter middle age – they have more to fear – like the prospect of mortality.

Like homophobes reacting violently to gay people – it’s because they feel threatened. Did anyone read that study? Some researchers attached probes to the penis’s of two control groups – one group had been determined as homophobic, and the other had been determined as straight, but not homophobic. Then they played gay porn videos for the men and measured sexual arousal. Guess who was turned on? Even though the evidence was right in front of them and the researchers, the homophobic men still denied being aroused. The non-homophobic men showed no signs of arousal.

An interesting situation happened a few weeks ago – I was at my boss’s house for some cocktails and conversation, a guy who just started working with us showed up as well – during our conversation he claimed he was a Christian conservative, and follows Jesus’ teaching – then went on to say how he couldn’t understand why some men dress up as women because he’d never be attracted to them – which I thought was funny – but throughout the course of the evening I noticed him getting more and more defensive and aggravated. At first I thought it was bizarre and couldn’t see any reason for him to be acting so strangely – but then I realized that as the night had gone on my boss’s apartment had filled with his gay male friends. This guy’s behavior progressively got worse and worse until I actually started to worry about how safe I was sitting next to him – and was relieved when he left. The evening couldn’t have been more innocent – good conversation with intelligent and interesting people – but from the way this guy was acting I may as well have strapped on a dildo and conducted a mass gay orgy in middle of the living room. My theory is he projects his self-hatred onto others because he feels threatened that something will be revealed about his own nature that goes against his adopted beliefs.

So many more situations like this I have been witness to – not just with homophobia, but with right wing ideologies in general – constantly I am witness to hypocrisy and hatred. I highly doubt that’s what Jesus taught. What is this thing called right wing Christian conservative republican??? What a strange and fascinating animal.

most people confuse what the ego is. the ego is self-perception, definitions of self based on material wealth, social achievement, academic achievement, monetary achievement – whatever. it is the image we project to the world that we have been taught to believe is important. it is the little voice that says “not good enough”. we are all guilty of confusing our egos with our real selves. when you ask someone “who are you?” they are quick to define themselves based on socially acceptable characteristics, the position they hold at work, their name, their physical traits, their hobbies.

in my opinion, this is the reason the human race will self-implode. we are growing more and more ignorant in exponential numbers, we are retreating further and further from the mouth of the cave back into the dark – and the worst part is, what you’re reading right now will put a funny look on your face or make no sense at all if you are not in the place in your life where you may be open to hear it.

this is a whole different breed of stubborn – our egos are forming and defining our entire understanding of reality. this is the cause of over consumption of “stuff” because of the social value placed on it. the cooler car, the bigger engagement ring, the more “stuff” you own, the more wealth you have, the more power you wield. this will be the cause of the end of the human race. we can’t keep living this way.

why is it that whenever anyone raises these issues, which are truly the most pressing ones of our time – people role their eyes and look the other way?? WHY THE MASS APATHY?? is it because people are uneducated and they don’t understand big words? or…. is it because the EGO blocks rational thought and understanding of the big picture.

everyday at work, i see person after person after their own ends, secretly believing that they as individuals are somehow entitled by divine right to better living standards than their neighbour, that in the end it’s what they own and what career path they choose that defines them. I honestly don’t know how much longer i can take american tv and culture – when you travel to another country away from the american sphere (which is progressively getting much harder to do), then come back, you realize how intense their isolation truly is – leaving the american bubble is like a huge breath of fresh air, and you only know this feeling is you experience it yourself – there is a whole world that people know about, but don’t truly KNOW. it’s easy to imagine these far off countries, but if you never see them, they aren’t real to you.

travel and personal education, and experience are the quickest paths our of the matrix.

ego talk – look at me, i sound like a crazy “end of days” yahoo – everything i write will just be written off as hippie babble.

isn’t it so sad when the truth written on the wall is painted over by stigma?

when as soon as a negative stereotype is attributed to an individual or point of view, the message, no matter how valid, is ignored.

i wish there was a way to get through to people – but it seems that messages sent out are caught in nets of the ego and misguided perception. messages of truth are filtered out of clarity by culture and stigma.

where are my like-minded bebes!!??

hmmm… even just completing a novel would be nice… whether it’s published or not doesn’t really matter to me right now; although I’m sure my ego will catch up one day – so I guess having the validation of being printed would be like the extra bit of icing atop my fabulous cake of literary absolution.

if you’re concerned with the lack luster culture and wow between the covers lately, don’t worry… I’ll make it pretentious, luscious, divine.

Like gap scented body oil on perky tits.