1.) I have a friend in need, and I am in a position where I am able to help. I am glad for it, because it’s a delicate situation that this person is in. I have resources that I can redirect his way.
2.) My meeting with a member of the Dept of Child Services went well, and I learned a great deal about the differences between the various counties in this state.
3.) I’m borrowing a white noise machine to see how much they really help. Hopefully I won’t need to get one, but I hope it works in case I do have to get one.
4.) I found some very silly videos online. I’m going to send them to friends to share the wealth of giggles.
5.) Things are going my way today =)
1.) Comics are so fantastic.
2.) Certain demotivational posters are very clever and funny. I was happy to spend the night chuckling as I looked up humorous ones.
3.) I photoedited an image I had discarded as a waste of space. It doesn’t look bad. I like salvaging old photos for experimentation via Photoshop!
4.) My emotions were pretty even today. No real ups or downs. I’m perfectly fine with this right now!
5.) I found the perfect guided meditation! It is now loaded to my iPod =)
1.) I am grateful that I finished all of my assessment paperwork today.
2.) I am grateful I had a very yummy lunch- not healthy, but when you order pizza, health isn’t the first thing on your mind ;) Yay for the yum factor.
3.) It occurred to me on day that here I am sending messages to strangers by leaving random notes, messaging people online I’ve never met, and trying to make clientele so happy- and while that is not a bad thing by far, here I am neglecting those who are more immediate to me, expecting them to help me maintain my mood. I’ve been sending out friendly emails to everyone. This makes me feel good. I do want to note, however, that for some reason I get a better and more active response from people I don’t know than the people I care for… it’s strange.
4.) It was a bark-free morning.
5.) I had a very clear mind today. Very nice.
1.) This guy: http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1740744 – he plays the flute, likes old school video games, and can beatbox- all at once. I used to play flute, so I can appreciate what he’s doing =P
2.) Ninja jokes. http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1691442
I’m in an adolescent mood tonight!
3.) Keeping in contact with friends.
4.) Free samples. I like wrinkle treatment, even though I’m all of 25 ;)
5.) Ocicats are so pretty. I want one!
... is to remove one box of stuff per week, not including trash.
I’ll have to get creative with this very soon. I’m looking around, and most of the stuff I have left is practical or could be sentimental. Time to downsize and pick what I need vs what I “wanted” (because I know I hang on to this stuff simply because I bought it and liked it at one time, regardless of how I feel about it now ;) ).
I’ve found more people interested in Tarot, Numerology, and Quantum Physics.
1.) Salmon is very yummy. =)
2.) Spending time with my ex’s parents- I thought it would be awkward without him there, but I enjoyed myself. Had a great time.
3.) Cookie dough!
4.) None of my family members were hurt in the violent winds that came through the state today.
5.) I got my laundry done this weekend!
-my vision board
-discussion about vibrations/energy in relation to our every day experiences.
-ancient Japanese artwork.
-stained glass windows
-running my fingers through thick sand
-calm, meditative flute music
-alt modeling/art work
-watching sword fighting
-handmade jewelry (quality)
-learning just about anything.
-scalp massages. I like having other people gently brush my hair.
-hypnagogic images as you fall asleep.
-the spot you linger in between wakefulness and sleep.
1.) The people I am renting from had guests come over today. They were very interesting people, interested in the arts and theater.
2.) I had my tarot read for me today by someone outside of my social circle. She was very intuitive and picked up on a lot. If anything, it was a fun discussion.
3.) I felt as peace while driving to the library and grocery store.
4.) I bought this week’s groceries for under 40 bucks.
5.) I made contact today with a few people and don’t have to stress now about “I should call so-n-so back…”
-love love love
-attention (because it’s all about me, said the Aries).
-a sense of a greater existence
-freedom to roam
-my heart skipping a beat (not literally, figuratively) when I see something beautiful.
-children who hide because they are shy, but peek out at you with a small grin.
-spicy food, reflective of spicy tastes, reflective of a spicy life ;)
-Cucumber Melon scent.
-Alpha and Theta wave/vibrations used in meditation audio.
-light breath in my ear and on my neck
-spooning (aw… ;) it’s comfy!).
-the feel of parchment paper
-when he looks at me with affection and amusement (sometimes at the same time…)
-his passionate embrace.
-villa style architecture
-gifts from others for no reason at all.
-the color red
-my tarot cards
-Celtic knot work
-spending time with family
-spending time with friends
-fascinating discussions (face to face) with people late into the night.
-my fetish/bdsm gear.
-travel to historic and scenic places.
-give to charity
-music that fits the mood
-self-help books and guides.
-passionate kisses (to go with the passionate embrace earlier in the list).
-buying gifts for others.
-frequent contact with lover/friends.
I went to a poker party last week. It was great fun, though I lost horribly.
I’m set up to play again next month. I met 8 new people (I think… I am bad with faces and names =P).
If it wasn’t a situation I had “no choice” in, I think I would be more okay with this.
So now, even though I find myself somewhat annoyed with being alone so often, I am even more annoyed when people enter my space. I’ve made an effort to turn my living space into what feels like a sanctuary. Having others come in and poke & prod at things, questioning my vision boards and artwork, simply grates on my nerves and, under the criticism, makes me feel somewhat violated.
I fear I’m swinging a little too far into the “Leave me alone!” category ;)
Awareness does not mean integration.
I know that I deserve something and someone great. I know that I am worthy of love. I know that I like intense relationships.
I love a man. I am not in love. I simply love. I suspect it is not returned and is something to deal with. But that is the beauty of not being “in love.” I can love to my heart’s content and know that it is fine. I can know that it does not have to be returned, because sometimes loving is a gift in and of itself. It is caring and support. I think, for me, it can last longer and be more special than being “in love.”
Sometimes, however, it is toxic. I do desire to be in love. I do desire that love be reciprocated. Sometimes having strong arms wrapped around me is a desire I yearn for so greatly that it is pure death. More than half a year, and I want more.
To want, though, is to suggest a lack. I don’t want to focus on lack. I want to focus on wealth- emotional wealth. I want to focus on abundance. Sometimes the chill of the night is stabbing, and it pulls you out of your meditation.
“Do you treat yourself how you would have others treat you?”
I try. It’s a complete shift in mindset. I’m working, though I have my slips. I’m improving, I feel.
I’m seeking freedom from preconceived notions and old habits. I always had hoped to be rescued by my white knight. He has yet to come. I’ll have to break free of it myself. I can no longer wait around, making half-hearted attempts at freedom and liberation.
1.) The universe heard my call today. I don’t know how to explain it other than that.
2.) Work was quiet. I also found that I will get a mileage reimbursement that I was not expecting. Extra money is always good news =)
3.) I got more writing done on my project. I wrote a small section about problem solving.
4.) I have food at home, so I didn’t have to go out and get something.
5.) It’s a cool day. Most people don’t like the rain, it seems, but I find it cleansing.
I’ll write more later. I’m hoping to do more today to make the day more fulfilling.
1.) I am grateful that I remember.
2.) I am grateful that I had plenty of time to catch up and take my time to do bits and pieces of my job well and thoroughly.
3.) No barking dogs this morning! How beautiful to be able to sleep until I naturally awoke!
4.) My book that I ordered through interlibrary loan came in today. I’ll get to pick it up tomorrow.
5.) I work this Friday. Normally I have Fridays off. And normally I would be bummed to have to work on one, but I understand that I need structure right now, so I can appreciate the timing of it.
1.) I was able to get re-acquainted with Fiona Apple’s works. I forgot about Extraordinary Machine!
2.) I am distancing myself. I think that it is the most sane bet right now, and for once I need to look out for numero uno =P
3.) I was able to sit in on a marketing meeting. I also got to spend quality time with my boss. It was interesting- we talked about quantum physics =P
4.) Bumper to bumper traffic most of the way home- but I used as time to do reflection and focusing on positives.
5.) Everything I wanted to be on sale today at the store was on sale. It was pretty interesting- everything was 40% off. I don’t like spending money on food, so getting on sale is fantastic =P
It is amazing how jaded everything seems when your affections for another are not returned. It makes me realize how much work I have to do on me.
1.) One of my assessments did not show up today and I had the opportunity to breathe.
2.) Though I found out that, yes, my messages were going ignored, they were going ignored because of something outside of myself. Or at least that’s what the story is.
3.) I won another cookie with Subway scrabble. I keep forgetting to use them. I have two now.
4.) I found a free yoga class for this Saturday.
5.) I may be meeting up with someone this weekend, so I won’t be completely isolated.
=( I’m such a downer. I apologize.
2.) alpha-wave balanced music.
3.) knowing that my complaints were heard by SOMEONE, about how I am overworked simply because I do my job well and efficiently, therefore people feel free to add on to my load.
4.) No one messaged me or emailed me today. While I’m not grateful for that because social isolation is something I don’t need right now, at least in the lack of messages that meant there was no bad news to be passed along.
5.) Group was functional tonight.
1.) I am grateful for yet another inspired thought! Any way I can move towards meeting my goals!
2.) I was able to meet with a good friend today. She is doing well, and I am glad of it.
3.) I made another trip to the library. I returned a few items, picked up a CD I was curious about- it’s supposed to activate alpha waves, and I was always dubious, yet curious. I’ll try it for free ;) I was able to request a book that they had lost. They are going to pull from one of the other county libraries.
4.) I won a free cookie playing the Subway scrabble. I’ll have to go get it soon.
5.) The internet- information at your fingertips. Always an opportunity to learn.