Zhivago4

Pot is a poor consolation prize, offering a sense of well-being and contentment in life when there really isn’t. The reward that pot offers is induced satisfaction, while the brain chemically mimics natural elation – elation that would only normally be accomplished through doing something with oneself. And this is what pot offers the brain in the seconds that it takes to reach it. It says “Congratulations, you just hit the winning basket in the final second and everyone loves you so be happy.” And that’s how you feel. The cost of pot is being so content with this phenomenon that progressions in reality will never be made. In terms of addiction, pot is seen as benign and even silly compared to harder drugs, but that’s because the people who make these comparisons don’t actually understand the mechanisms of addiction. Yes, someone can become hopelessly addicted to pot. Pot can be a real lousy drug to have a problem with because of the lack of support circles that deal with quitting. It’s in some nebulous middle ground – somewhere between alcohol, which has ample help literature and meetings available/high awareness, and cocaine and heroin, which are unanimously realized as problem drugs. Yet in the public eye, pot is just pot, potheads will be potheads, and the term ‘pothead’ doesn’t carry 1/10 the stigma than does ‘alcoholic.’ The bottom line is that someone smoking weed everyday to escape is really no different than someone drinking for the same reason. There is little awareness on pot’s potential to be a drug of abuse. Because if smoked for the wrong reasons, it truly has the ability to derail someone.

I made my first entry in April, after I threw away all of my weed accessories and resolved not to smoke anymore. I stayed off weed from the first week of April to June 1. And during that time, I felt like I was gradually starting to emerge from some haze that had taken control of my daily life.

From June 1-7 I relapsed and smoked every day. I stopped for a couple weeks and then smoked once more in June. Then I smoked once, on July 4th. And that is the last time I burned weed. I was sitting around a table with some of the people who I once considered really close, genuine friends, and was struck with a realization that there was in fact no connection left between us, outside of the marijuana. I am a paranoid high, and this was also contributing to it, but that night I really felt a complete absence of – for lack of a better term – the human spirit. I never wanted to smoke again after that.

And I stayed off weed for the entire summer. I worked, starting writing music again, felt a lot easier in social interactions. I really felt a lot more driven to pursue the things I like because I had time…I wasn’t high for several hours of the day, everyday.

I relapsed once on a pot brownie a little over a month ago, and I had a horrific experience with it.

I want to encourage people to stick things out. I went months without smoking, from daily smoking, and I survived. And things got a lot better for me. Not smoking will allow you to realize some immediate goals and decisions in your life. After a month of not smoking, I enjoyed a new sense of clarity that I hadn’t felt in over a year. I want to tell people that it is very hard to hold out, but trust me, it is completely worth it.

I’m taking a farsi class at the Uni this fall. Excited.