_Nessa

No, this isn’t a post about children. Although i would have alot to say on that matter. But this is more about me, and my own personal growth. recently i have matured so quickly i can actually feel the change. I can be looking at someone and its like their getter younger infront of my eyes. Not so much younger in age of appearance, but their personalities. Personalities that used to intimidate me – no longer. I am surprised at how sheltered the people around me are. How their idea of the world around them is so far off from reality it scares me. Their nievity and innocence. How have i not seen this before?

So then i look at myself. I’m the one changing. Now i’ve always been the baby of the group. Im the youngest, shortest, vulnerablist, shyest ect…my friends look after me! and all of a sudden im struck by their “youth” like its so upsetting but kinda reasurring in a way. Im glad that none of them have suffered enough hardship or seen enough evil to feel the way about humanity as others do. But on the other hand, all my life i have been “looked after”, financially by my parents, physically by my friends. But to be honest i think i have raised myself emotionally and i take care of my emotions alone. And i like it better that way. But now i can see all these “children” around me, and i cant understand how they still look after me. Because they do, its not like ive “grown up” completly. Im only 16, i cant support myself! I still need my parents and friends. Just not as much as i thought.

And then its kinda sad. Have i lost my childhood? I sixteen years old. Is that even supposed to be in chidhood? In so many ways i still feel like a child, and i still am i child. I dont understand things about this world, and some things i know im still not strong enough to handle. But then in other ways, i understand things, have views about, feel strong emotions for and can deal with things, my friends cant. They are older than me, stronger than me, most have been through more than me and ,i thought, they went through life in a more “adult” way. But they are nothing but children.

But do we ever stop being children? How can you define something like that? Just because you can take care of yourself, look after others, behave in a mature way and hold certain views about certain things – does that mean you are no longer a child? Because in that case….i think i have stopped being a “child” a long time ago…

1. laughing – lisa – mike – tom – revalations – controlling jelousy
2. a stressful day turning out to be not so stressful
3. asking for help – trying to grow into a better person
4. growing up – being mature enough to handle this – knowing what i want – keeping my dreams alive, even if they never come true
5. seeing life completly differently to how i used to – wanting to protect the people around me like they were my children

thank you

1. working – long conversations with tom
2. confidence – laughing – crying – leting it out
3. seeing the bright side of losing a true inpiration – learning to survive by myself
4. new friends – being worth knowing
5. making descisions – enjoying my work – being myself – tings going my way

thank you