i realized recently that i gave myself many excuses to avoid conflict in the work and also in the family. family is sth special. i’ve been used to avoid conflict for many years. it might also be the root cause why i bring the same approach into work. this year in Germany makes it more obvious. working with German colleagues in Germany is very different from working with those in China. simply because they’ve adjusted themselves when they are in the Chinese culture. however i’m not adjusting myself enough into German culture till today. and somehow i feel a bit helpless. i always use the same excuse that i will leave soon. however with one additional year in Germany and with reflection, i have to face the reality. that is, to face the conflict and learn how to resolve in the smart way. otherwise i felt that i lost my ego when i was hiding myself to avoid conflict. others do not know me and i also see a stranger with myself. too bad. and time to change it!!!
abbyzheng's Life List
1. study psychology
2. Learn to cook
3. buy a car
4. Get a PhD degree
5. wine tasting
6. have a family
7. decorate my apartment
8. be more positive
9. live in USA
10. find out my big 5
11. learn German
12. find a better job
13. travel around the world
14. be healthy
17. find a boyfriend
18. set up my own company
19. Learn to play the piano
20. travel around china
22. face and resolve conflict
How I did it: I got the opportunity of 8 months trainings & workshops exclusively for training skills and workshop practices. It helped me a lot about the skills of presentation, communication, conflict management, group motivation, process consultancy. After that, I was on the way of working by learning process. It was much more helpful for me to know more about myself, weakess, strength and room for improvement. The role of trainer is only s… Read how I did it…
it was an interesting discussion with a colleague this week. she mentioned a book she read before. it is about what are the most important 5 things in your life, big 5. she told me that it took her quite some time to find out her big 5.
i started to ask myself what is big 5 for me? health? family? traveling around the world? be happy or be positive or enjoy the present? create value for others or help other? somehow like this??? maybe i need a bit more time to figure it out.
i’m surprised to realize that career is not in. then what does it mean to me? career means money, the most fundamental thing to survive or live well. career means creating value. for sure other things could also create value. however i would need a career in which i could create value for the society e.g. people or company etc. career means passion. i do not want to do something sadly for 8 hrs per day. it will be disaster. career means development of myself. not routine. i remember one sentence i read before : are you living 365 days or are you living the same day for 365 times??? a very good insight. even though it is efficient to do something similar, hopefully not exactly the same. otherwise i will go crazy. career means power, the power to make decision, to execute good ideas, to conquer difficulties, to strive for success. Now i somehow understand why i’m so confused about my next career step in the last few months. i really expect a lot of things out of career. maybe i’m wrong. maybe it is even not smart to ask for so much things out of a position or for a company. i should take the lead or the responsibility instead of counting on any single position to get everything done.
traveling around the world actually including several things: see different landscapes, cultures, different life philosopy, open to new things and open to change. to make it simple, live the life wider and deeper.
health is definitely to live the life longer. the 3rd dimension of the life.
family including my own family and also my extended family. friends are also part of this group. interesting to find it out the importance of relationship in nearly the same no matter in whatever different cultures.
healthy means a good habit, self discipline, life and work balance, also mental health.
enjoy the present is not so easy. i’m learning about it. however not yet find the best answer. i know it is important. what i could do is to get rid of unnecessary stress, take things not too serious, follow the natural development, be positive. I was definitely not so positive in the last few months. i suddenly realize it recently. hopefully it is never late to have this reflection. i have to remember that a negative mindset gets back to myself at the end. therefore it is always good to be positive. in the same discussion with the colleague. she said: they are all opportunities, instead of risks. it is really true. in many cases, i over exaggerate some disadvantages. however they are not necessarily the risks.
better to stop here now and give myself more time to add on.
this year, i’m traveling to England, Scotland, Belgium, Netherlands, spain, italy, switzerland, germany. when i was more and more on the road, i met more and more people from different counties who are traveling around the world. the target of traveling around the world is getting much closer and easier for me. it is really amazing to see the different cultures and life styles. however i also feel somehow lonely on the road even though i really enjoy the flexibility and independence. the feeling of lonely comes with the soul. with so many new people to meet and so similar life to live in, somehow it is difficult and even weird to realize that i’m always traveling alone. anyway it is still an exciting target to fulfill. hope at least i could visit greece in 2013.