abeej

when i look at myself, all i see is this ugly fat girl with ginger hair staring back in the mirror and it makes my cry!!
i hate the way i look…im fat, ginger, have too many spots and i could go on and on but it just gets embarassing and even more depressing!!
i hate myself!!
and my family has no worries about picking on me and calling me fat and so on, and my cousin calls me the ugly one!
it really hurts and until a year ago i didnt think i looked all that bad, but with what ive been going through this past year all i see is an ogre!!
i would love to be thin and pretty but it’ll take a miracle for that to happen!
i want to be loved and not picked on and i want someone to care about me and how im feeling rather than be the one knocking me down!
it hurts soo much inside and i dont think anyone can tell becuase no-one actually cares!
im just going to have to keep putting on my fake smile and pretend its all ok!!
what can i say….thats life!
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My life here where i live is the worst it can get ever!!
all i want to do is move and because im still at uni i cant get anywhere yet which means i plan on going on as much holidays as i possibly can to get away from it all!!
im a holiday whore! go on as many holidays as possible i say!
and yes i realise that technically i am running away from my problems but i cant stand it here!! you would understand if you knew me anyway!
Anyway:
next on the agenda is Tenerife, going at the end of January into February!!
I cant wait, its long overdue and ive hinted at this boy to go at the same time so that we can have a holiday fling!! ;) even better!! he is amazing in bed :D
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I remember watching a scene in a film where they had sex on the bonnet of a car in the pouring rain and thinking wow i want to do that!! and now its on my list :)
it was so hot and steamy and just well a turn on!
i cant wait to find someone whos up for it, then just wait for it to rain and go for it!
obviously im going to find a good place to do it too because i dont want to be muddy, haha :)
maybe on my car ;)
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