abetterversionofme

alright…i have some payment arrangements for the next 2 months that is going to knock off around $3,000. WHOA. i can’t believe that. that’s a lot of money. i’m so happy…freedom is so close! along with that – the next few months are going to be pretty tight. i’ve done a great job with not going out with friends or out to dinner, etc. but, i know the holidays are going to make it extrememly tough. i’m trying to find a second job to make this easier and so i can start saving some money. it’s proving to be difficult. i’m looking for a serving position for the evenings and weekends, but i’ve been out of the food industry business for a few years and have no fine dining experience – which seems to scare off some restaurants. hopefully something will become available to me very soon.

i let myself off the hook WAY too easily. i say i am or want to do something and i just don’t. or i do for a few days then stop. i need to learn how to follow through, and do things even if i don’t really want to at the time. a good example is waking up early in the morning…it’s not fun. but, when i sleep in i get pissed at myself. so, yeah those first 10-15 minutes don’t feel that great, but it’s a great big step to starting the day off right.

so, for now i’m working on accountability & being strict with myself. i want something? then work for it. i like that.

so, i read this article in the oprah magazine about who you are meant to be. some things that were said in the articles got me thinking of who i am. i’ve come to the conclusion that i’m really freaking boring! how did that happen? well, i seem to have given up. i’ve said over and over again about how the last 5 years are a blur – it’s because i haven’t lived them! i haven’t tried to do anything for myself…i’m in the same rut i was then. YUCK! all the way down to my music. i’ve been listening to the radio in my car for at least a year…never look into new music i may like. WTF?! music has always made me excited and happy. i used to look forward to driving because i would get to listen to new things. in my home…i LOVED turning up my music and singing and dancing and just hanging out with myself. i can’t remember the last time i’ve done that. so, there’s something for me.

what else can i do? i think i’m going to try to learn how to take pictures and do polaroid transfers. i think they are so pretty to look at, and it would be really fun to show my nieces and nephews how to do them. i think they’d really like it. also, i can take pictures of them and create some things for their parents – they’d LOVE that. so, that’s another.

i think i get nervous talking to others because i don’t have anything to say…i’m seriously boring. i work and volunteer…woohoo. when someone asks “what’s new? what’s going on with you?” and i say “not much…” HOW PATHETIC! argh!

i’ve been exercising this past week…some runs and hiking. i LOVE it. i really do love to exercise. i gotta keep that up. i’ve decided i’m doing another half marathon next year…in january actually. i printed up a training schedule – today is officially day 2 of training.

what else can i do??? what do i want to learn more about???