went to the gym before work! woohoo. i have to say that working out in the morning is by far the best for me. it sets up my day, i feel good about what i’ve done, it gives me a boost of confidence, it’s great!! but, did i go this morning? nope. dammit. i do get to leave work early, so i am planning on going after work. start new years eve off right :)
i didn’t end up doing my workout video :( my boyfriend came over and we watched LOST till 10:30. i don’t regret it though – it was nice to make dinner and snuggle up with him :). i DID go to the gym yesterday! woohoo! after 9.5 hours of work, and a 90 minute buddhist meeting, i got to the gym at 8:30ish. the whole time i was trying to convince myself that it would be okay not to go. i just drove and kept saying how excited i was. it really worked. i did almost an hour of tough cardio, then did some stretching, went home, showered, met up with friends at 11:15, danced and talked, got home at 1:30, slept, got up and went to volunteer, then off to work. yahoo! it was a busy day, but i’m SO happy. i keep thinking of this awesome person i want to be, and yesterday i was that person. i did all the things i wanted to do and didn’t let any excuses keep me from making them happen.
it’s glorious.
for part of my cardio i pushed a different button on the treadmill. i chose RANDOM. i love it! i stayed at the same pace, but the incline changed throughout. from 0% – 6.5%. it was fantastic, and kept it from being boring. it also kicked my ass.
i’m not sure what i’m going to do tonight. i know my boyfriend is coming over, i need to do some xmas shopping and cleaning. maybe i can run around my neighborhood. i’d like to go to bed early so i can hit the gym in the am.
i did a little hiking and running. i was nervous to go do it, because i’m not in as good of shape as i used to be in and it makes me sad and anxious to work out. so, i acknowledged this feeling and turned it around to ‘when i work out and push my body – it FEELS SO DAMN GOOD’. that got me excited to tackle the mountain err LARGE hill :) it’s going to get easier…everyday. i can’t wait to run long distance again.
i think i like the idea of using the gym m-f, and on the weekends try to hike and run outdoors. i prefer working out outside, but running in the dark alone is a bit scary.
tonight i am going to use a workout dvd that kicks my ass.
a friend took a picture of me over the weekend with her phone and i did not like what i saw. it hurts to not like what you see when you look at yourself. i see someone who isn’t taking the best care of herself, and that fucking sucks. but, the REALLY cool thing is that i can CHANGE that. i CANlove what i see in photos of me, and be proud of what i’ve done with myself.
right now, i’m excited. change is in the air.
12/14 i did arm exercises at home
12/15 i ran about 1.5 miles
and, today i am sore :) woohoo! i love that feeling. my goal is to run at least a mile a day until i feel like i can add more to it. it’s hard to run just a mile because i have that all or nothing attitude that hasn’t ever worked :) so, i will build a solid base, then add mileage.
last night as i was running i just kept thinking that this is how i’m making changes in my life, by doing it even though it’s cold and dark and i’d rather be snuggled up in my bed. i think it helped that i just changed and went out the door without thinking about it first. that’s the part that kills it…when i think. haha.
tonight i am going to run again, and do some exercises with weights.
i’m so happy.
a co-worker of mine chews/smacks/pops her gum VERY loudly for about 6 hours per day. it’s driving me mad. what is a polite way to ask her to stop?
alright…i have some payment arrangements for the next 2 months that is going to knock off around $3,000. WHOA. i can’t believe that. that’s a lot of money. i’m so happy…freedom is so close! along with that – the next few months are going to be pretty tight. i’ve done a great job with not going out with friends or out to dinner, etc. but, i know the holidays are going to make it extrememly tough. i’m trying to find a second job to make this easier and so i can start saving some money. it’s proving to be difficult. i’m looking for a serving position for the evenings and weekends, but i’ve been out of the food industry business for a few years and have no fine dining experience – which seems to scare off some restaurants. hopefully something will become available to me very soon.
i let myself off the hook WAY too easily. i say i am or want to do something and i just don’t. or i do for a few days then stop. i need to learn how to follow through, and do things even if i don’t really want to at the time. a good example is waking up early in the morning…it’s not fun. but, when i sleep in i get pissed at myself. so, yeah those first 10-15 minutes don’t feel that great, but it’s a great big step to starting the day off right.
so, for now i’m working on accountability & being strict with myself. i want something? then work for it. i like that.
so, i read this article in the oprah magazine about who you are meant to be. some things that were said in the articles got me thinking of who i am. i’ve come to the conclusion that i’m really freaking boring! how did that happen? well, i seem to have given up. i’ve said over and over again about how the last 5 years are a blur – it’s because i haven’t lived them! i haven’t tried to do anything for myself…i’m in the same rut i was then. YUCK! all the way down to my music. i’ve been listening to the radio in my car for at least a year…never look into new music i may like. WTF?! music has always made me excited and happy. i used to look forward to driving because i would get to listen to new things. in my home…i LOVED turning up my music and singing and dancing and just hanging out with myself. i can’t remember the last time i’ve done that. so, there’s something for me.
what else can i do? i think i’m going to try to learn how to take pictures and do polaroid transfers. i think they are so pretty to look at, and it would be really fun to show my nieces and nephews how to do them. i think they’d really like it. also, i can take pictures of them and create some things for their parents – they’d LOVE that. so, that’s another.
i think i get nervous talking to others because i don’t have anything to say…i’m seriously boring. i work and volunteer…woohoo. when someone asks “what’s new? what’s going on with you?” and i say “not much…” HOW PATHETIC! argh!
i’ve been exercising this past week…some runs and hiking. i LOVE it. i really do love to exercise. i gotta keep that up. i’ve decided i’m doing another half marathon next year…in january actually. i printed up a training schedule – today is officially day 2 of training.
what else can i do??? what do i want to learn more about???
i’ve been noticing how low my self-esteem is lately…it’s AWFUL! i’ve got to figure this out and change it. sometimes i don’t even look people in the eye because i’m too nervous or feel ashamed. this isn’t all the time though. sometimes i can put on a brave face and act very confident and even impress people with the way i handle myself. i know it because i’ve been told this. then there are those times i’m so ashamed of myself. sometimes i feel like whoever i’m talking to will find out what an awful person i am. WTF?! this has been happening all my life. i remember being around 7 years old & i wouldn’t let myself use my blankets or my bed because i thought i didn’t deserve them. i know my childhood wasn’t the best, but i’m an adult now & i have the power to be whoever i want to be. the past is the past. i’m responsible for my well being and bringing all the happiness i can into my life.
first goal is to work on my self esteem in varies fashions. some areas where i know i have some issues:
-body image
-intelligence
-success
-finance
okay, i guess this list could go on and on. i know that if i worked out and got myself into better shape my self esteem will definitley rise. just last night i was thinking about when i was really working hard on my body and i loved how i felt. i felt strong, healthy, and so sexy. i remember how confident i was in jeans, bathing suits, naked…;) i felt more like myself. i just remember it helping me in a lot of areas. this is so pathetic, but true…i am embarrassed to be seen working out. how silly is that?! i don’t want to go to the gym because i don’t want to run into a co-worker, and then have them tell other people at my office. as if working out is a bad thing? what is wrong with my brain?! i should be proud that i’m taking charge of my body.
alright…goal for this week is to go to the gym. at LEAST once.
it brings tears to my eyes when i think of how much i care for him. not in the i’d die if he weren’t with me, but in the most real, absolute, adoration kind of way. he’s the most special person to me. he’s a great person all around, a great friend, a fantastic student, a caring and responsible brother and son…he’s awesome.
i did end up adding him to my phone plan, and i don’t regret it at all. it’s costing me only $10 more, but once he finds a job my bill will be cut in half. that sounds good. funny enough, this past week has been so damn stressful for me. regarding every aspect of my life. starting with my financial situation. my bank is charging me $340 because i overdrew my account by $7, and was 20 minutes too late on the deposit cut-off. i know this is my fault, but i can’t believe it’s costing me $340 to fix. this with a mixture of other things going on right now has caused me to feel like the biggest loser on earth. i can’t believe i’m 27 and in this position! UGH! so, i’ve been so stressed out, crying, can’t sleep, can’t eat kind of thing. not so much because of the situation, but because i caused every one of them myself. i did this to me, and it makes me sad. i’m also so very thankful of what i do have, and that this crappy week has REALLY opened my eyes to how much my actions, every single action has an effect on me.
so, my awesome boyfriend has been so damn sweet this week. he expressed how he’s upset with me, loves me, wants the best for me, and doesn’t understand why i do this to myself. he’s pretty much been there for me like no one ever has in my whole life. he’s honest, but caring. i think that’s how it should be when someone wants the best for you, and i have never experienced that kind of support. ever. i am so thankful for him, to have met him, to be able to experience this kind of relationship with him.
because of the happenings in the past week we’ve talked a lot about what we want from eachother and out of life. our future looks so bright. i love that we both want to be with eachother for as long as we’re happy, that we both want to finish school and be in jobs that contribute to our happiness, that we want to move together, be more responsible with our money, enjoy the simple things in life, and just continue to grow and be happy. oh, and just for fun…buy lottery tickets…just in case ;)
there ARE great men out there, don’t ever settle or waste your time on people who don’t bring good things into your life. you deserve better.
the lovely boyfriend doesn’t have steady income right now, and his phone just got turned off. he’s not whining about it or asking for help, but i know he is stressed out & a little embarrassed about his situation.
so, i looked into adding another line to my plan and making some changes that i’ve been meaning to get around to…i think it may come out to be either the same price i’m paying now, or around 5-10 bucks more. BUT…should i do this for him? or do i let him figure this out on his own?
i don’t want to fix his problems for him, or take away a life lesson he needs to grow from. if i did this would it help him or hurt him?
hmmmmm…i don’t know?
- stay positive!
- exercises after work
- chant from 7-8
- call brother
- pick out another exercise to do
- shower
- do dishes
- get stuff ready for the morning
- get some much needed sleep
i am going to challenge myself to one month of exercising everyday. july 7 – aug 7 :)
after work i will do arm exercises, plies, and lunges.
tomorrow morning i plan on hitting up the gym :)
i think i know why i never get anything done. i’m waiting. waiting for the motivation, the momentum, for things to just be easier. i’m waiting for a moment that won’t ever come.
i’m done waiting.
i just have to DO IT. then the momentum will kick in…along with a bunch of really great things i can SEE and actually live, instead of only day dream about.
so, first things first is number one. i’ll deal with the other goals along the way.
three things i’m going to start with:
1. chanting daily
2. cleaning up my environment
3. taking care of myself (exercise, nutrition, sleep, etc)
so, for today:
-chanting from 7-8
-finish the dishes and clean kitchen counters
-arm exercises
-wash face, floss, get in bed by 10
-read
-lights off by 11
i feel like 90% of everything around me doesn’t represent me. i feel like I don’t represent me.
obviously there is a reason for that.
i feel buried.
i started my period today, and i can’t describe the pain from these horrible cramps! i’m really lucky and hardly have any side-effects from my period, but SHIT…this is killing me. i can’t wait to just go to sleep.
the past 3 days i’ve been SO hungry – i thought it was just because of the cleanse, even though i’ve never really been this hungry on the cleanse in the past. good to know it is mostly due to my monthly pal.
hoping tomorrow will be a better day…
good job to everyone cleansing :)
i’m having a hell of a day! i fell asleep without drinking my tea last night, and this morning i didn’t do the swf. AND, i ran out of maple syrup, so i haven’t had any lemonade all day. i’m so hungry! i just have to tough it out for another 90 minutes. then i can speed home and make some lemonade dinner :) my thoughts right now are ‘just a mango. go eat that mango. no, you can make it! how about pizza? pizza sounds great right now. eat some pizza. NO! drink more water! you only have 4 days left…you CAN DO IT! how about after work we just get some mexican food…that will taste so good! DAMMIT! NO!’ ha. 90 minutes doesn’t seem too bad. i just can’t wait to leave work!
after i drink some lemonade and read for a bit i’m going to exercise. some weights and a toning video. i’ve noticed when i exercise my cravings dwindle a lot. i’m excited that i’m so close to being done. but, the easing-off part of this cleanse is really important to me. i won’t be eating a hearty meal for at least 9 days.
haha…everything is irritating the FUCK out of me right now. i just want to scream at all of my co-workers :)
4 more to go!
