absolutexenia

I don’t want to take any of this for granted. A friend charged me and I want to do this: to think clearly and honestly at least one hour per day until Christmas. That’s just an arbitrary date but it’s for my friend and it’s for myself. i have to figure out what those times are specifically. I have been thinking about it more than one hour a day probably lately. It’s hard to reason all this out on my own. What do I believe? I know I believe in Jesus, and that He saved me. This is pretty solid somehow. It is because of Him that I am healthy enough to be able to even ask these questions. I have to understand the spirit of this and all He wants for me.

I have to find out what God wants for me in relationships.

(This also means, I have to do what is healthy for me in relationships.)

I have to do this. I have to live in a conscious manner, not forgetting my past.

I have to decide what God really wants for me, and what He is asking me to do.

I have to understand if I believe in God, and WHY.

i wrote a nanowrimonovel in 2004 and now i want to edit it. this is a long term goal because i have other editing to do and this is a big job. nonetheless it is worth it! i do hope down the line to both edit and submit it. historical fiction was a big bite to chew up but i’m looking forward to trying.

hopefully within a year from now, but i am not counting.

I just submitted a very short story of 512 words to the Danahy Prize for fiction at the Tampa Review. I am excited because I think it’s the first time I’ve done something like this since…! Well i did get an award for a story i wrote in college, but i never submitted it my teacher did. I did win something in junior high too. But anyway so this could really be considered a first, and is in my mind. So..whether or not I win, it is exciting. i like the story and if it doesn’t win or get published there at the Review i will force myself to send it out again. actually it is the 2nd time i submitted this story. i did try to submit it to Southern Gothic Review but it got turned down because it wasn’t the right stuff for them. but anyway i will adjust this goal later. the thing is i am submitting SOMEthing. hahah.