so im doing the tutorial that comes with the flash 8 professional.
doing the cafe_townsend crap.
been following the instructions… but got strayed somehow.
edit the main timeline, create border – the results that im getting are different from what the tutorial says i should get. im frustrated. I’ve restarted everything 2 or 3 times already and still get to the same point. are the tutorial writers full of shit? with dreamweaver there have been points in the tutorial that were not at all accurate, i had to do something differnet from what it said to do to get the expected result. maybe something like that is here too…..
up 530 (stayed up late last night)
2m7s horse stance
chen tai chi
trembling began at 32s left to go
agony started 10s later.
little big conerned.
“In the Flatfield” obsessing my mind
8 8888 888888
face (6min) slowly… obsession
limewire searching (10) 77
almost threw up
m got up
621 set up laptop
did some day planning
I slept in today. Since I slept until about 8am I did not get an opportunity to waste time. Yesterday I also took a time management course. The foundation of time management is classifying activities by a 2X2 matrix of (important, not important) X (urgent, not urgent). This creates 4 quadrants:
Q1: Things that are urgent and importnat, need to be done NOW, and are a matter if NECESSITY
Q2: Things that are not urgent and important, should be done SOON, and are a matter of PRODUCTIVITY AND BALANCE
Q3: Things that are urgent and unimportnat, disruptions, interruptions, phone calls, IM’s, emails are a matter of DECEPTION
Q4: Things that are not urgent and not important, such as surfing the web, looking up porn, chat, are WASTE & EXCESS.
A preliminary test before the class reviealed that I spend 33% of my time in Q4, 26% in Q3, 25% in Q1 and 11% in Q2
cleaning basement water
cleaning kitty litter
805 19 & shower
due to time diverted elsewhere, i do not have enough for tc….
1min into it – “OMG what am I doing?”
50s remaining: focused on TV – Yusuf Islam’s new album comes out
20s remaining: pain, then shaking starts
getting dressed, making tea
538 going out
AJS-10 & 70
AJS-10 recorded for M
2m2s horse stance
writing about it
400 f start
406 f finish
504 prepare to go out
fed cats, got dressed
holding the cat
539 start AJS
616 L HS completed 1m58s
641 finished ytc
rolls 3sets of 15
sensation that can undeniably be classified as pain started at 30s left to go. Trembling began at 20-22s left to go.
438 face – start
446 done with face
put dishes away
529 going to the basement NOW
cats made a mess
cleaned up mess
every day when i drink tea i am reminded that when its done i won’t be able to get more until i re establish contact with sifu. and i think about how difficult it may be… if i crossed some lines… or
taking risks is too vague, to unclear goal or thing…. like i wrote earlier… what constitutes a risk is different in each situation.. im more interested in concrete risky activities, like unprotected sex or sharing needles, but I will not make those into a goal…
no merit to it, really…..
how does one dream big when most of one’s dreams have been survival wishes? My dreams and wishes usually revolve around getting along with my girlfriend, having enough money to pay all the bills and have a little bit of fun… living paycheck to paycheck… I dream of getting out of our apartment/townhouse complex to a better place, house with a yard that we can afford, I dream of getting my car serviced for 40K miles. None of those are big dreams… I find I don’t care much about big dreams. They just seem either soo OUT OF REACH or just plain NOT WORTH IT. I need a dream that is WORTH IT. Worth whatever effort will be needed.
Whatever things you do….. imagine them in their ultimate, perfected state…
for each thing you do… extend the Light, open the window of its extension (HEH) and walk through the door (DALET)
this is the WHAT
realizing, defining the WHY will change the WHAT.