I'm doing 13 things
i am timid when it comes to goals. i should not use “timid” without the clause “very”. very timid. goals feel like children. the moment i adopt one, that moment is – big. on that moment, the goal that i choose, has a very intimate, uniquely deep meaning for me.
i did not write a note for this goal probably because i felt out of the words. i have my periods of silence when i am not able to use letters to create or re-create my own realities.
i am writing this morning, though, even if the silence is my main reality at the moment. it is almost 7 now, world is already green and yellow.
i feel that i need gratitude to fill me. i do not want to leave any part of me wild, unattended. lonely. free for any intruding robust spiteful feeling.
i talked to a very special person tonight, and in truth it was a goodbye. not a classical goodbye, but a postmodern one. unexecuted. such partings are the most severe, – in case if you have in truth met someone, leaving is like stillness of death. i know today that until i shall not find in myself that magical part that has let me be light enough to not leave any footprints in the snow in the winter, until then i shall need that goodbye.
gratitude, today,—gratitude for daring to put myself in the position where i agree to be wrapped in an immense solitude, to discover. everything.
i always sense solitude sharply when i am away from those who—have met me, and whom i have met.
