aliise

is being a silly little frog



I'm doing 13 things
 
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be filled with gratitude
prologues and epilogues 2 years ago

i am timid when it comes to goals. i should not use “timid” without the clause “very”. very timid. goals feel like children. the moment i adopt one, that moment is – big. on that moment, the goal that i choose, has a very intimate, uniquely deep meaning for me.
i did not write a note for this goal probably because i felt out of the words. i have my periods of silence when i am not able to use letters to create or re-create my own realities.
i am writing this morning, though, even if the silence is my main reality at the moment. it is almost 7 now, world is already green and yellow.
i feel that i need gratitude to fill me. i do not want to leave any part of me wild, unattended. lonely. free for any intruding robust spiteful feeling.
i talked to a very special person tonight, and in truth it was a goodbye. not a classical goodbye, but a postmodern one. unexecuted. such partings are the most severe, – in case if you have in truth met someone, leaving is like stillness of death. i know today that until i shall not find in myself that magical part that has let me be light enough to not leave any footprints in the snow in the winter, until then i shall need that goodbye.
gratitude, today,—gratitude for daring to put myself in the position where i agree to be wrapped in an immense solitude, to discover. everything.
i always sense solitude sharply when i am away from those who—have met me, and whom i have met.



find him
love-letter to life 2 years ago

i am literally and loudly attaching importance to this toast of endearment. very, very private area of the deserts and seas of my life. private enough to just be encrypted into two words, “find him”.



open a bilingual bookshop café for poets and philosophers to meet
it is something 2 years ago

that would have dissolved itself so perfectly into my lifestyle of early 20-ies, this certain time when everything is immensely possible. today i would spend two years choosing the doorbell for the cafe.



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