so my dad rly rly looks up to this person named “li peng” . In fact during my bday party, he invited li peng and his two friends and his gf to my party. my dad was flaunthing my house and other stuff to him. His gf said this remark of our chinese being “not good enough and my sis was angry (mostly offended though). I felt kinda offended. But truly if I look at it, Im just as a sinner as this woman the girlfriend, Im very judgemental, I let people down, I’ve digusted people, I’ve been hideous. I cringe at people and I do more than what is mentioned. Plus I don’t mind being misunderstood. So I start feeling sympathy towards this li peng gf and I actually have empathy towards her. That witch turns into oh “poor woman” and reminder of a blessings start occuring and I can slowly seep away from the insecure, jealousy that I have to li peng’s gf
I really start to question where I place my hope in? When I boy that I like is encouraging me to go particpate in activites I don’t know I should go and I blindly follow you I don’t place my hope (not really) at that point in Jesus and when I feel like I don’t want my mom to tattletell my dad on what I did behind their backs and pleading my mom to not do that I really start to question who I really truly place my faith in, because at that moment, I place my hope in approval. The idol of approval when I already have my approval from God. So I encourage you to examine what is perplexing you today? What is taking not just 90% and 110% and thinking will fulfill you when it really doesn’t. Because I know that will not fulfill your hope and on the outside you do look like you have together or you will have this entitlement thinking more specifically recognition and deserving of honor. We cannot be our own Gods, we just cannot. Therefore I challenge you with the question, where do you place your hope in?
disclaimer: people AREN’T perfect
Really drenching this into prayer….i shared my heart to my pastor’s wife abt how i dislike the church and reason’s justifying it to her and she was very empathetic and telling me do what is what’s best for me…don’t worry about guilt trip, out of obligation.(like hmmmph i have to be here my whole life..that I am really fired for this church and really what it offers and how I can be a part of that..
she is happy (pastor’s wife) that I want to mingle with people that aren’t like me…she says the people who I think are most different are actually similar to me…going thru the same trials and etc.
who knows? maybe ill be uncomFORTable because lol maybe the new group i can identify as problematic because they are like always talking about their problems when sometimes I have a “reserved” side, part of me
whoosh this is a big one, I feel like everytime I est. boundaries with my parents, they invade it or give me some sort of guilt trip. but its hard b/c i also live under their roof so there’s gotta be a point where their needs must be met. I feel if they don’t feel the need to be considerate to some boundaries, they don’t respect me as a person.
well truthfully he asks a lot to me and he emotionally abuses me—> i thought it would get better when i moved out, but i got so homesick when i moved out for undergrad college that lol I’m actually back with my parents. my dad i remember saying that he’s the reason i was in the psychiatric hospital and i reckon this would change him but the truth of the matter is that I can’t. my dad i also remember saying that he would be softer on me since he know how much his harsh treatment of me affects me. and nope he remains the old generation parent that he is. in with the old and out with the new is his motto.
there's hope and that's in jesus christ--> when he threaten's to take things (like a car that my mom allows me to drive and my phone and now it has shifted to my iPod) away from me there's still no evidence that he does that. and again (which he suceeds at) is to provoke a reaction from me. there's evidence that i will believe for a little while that im not enough but its not deep enough evidence and plus its not authentic enough to make me replace my identity as a victim and a new identity where i wear in front of everyone im not enough and instead i can become someone who can take responsibility for my _own actions_. Satan lies shall never be my foundation of my survival.
go wiki for some acccuracy
” If she’s not interested (that doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you, but she likely doesn’t have a crush on you or romantic desire), she’ll likely look at you inquisitively, but she won’t express any particular strong emotion.” haha wiki give you some props for that.
now parody time….yayyyy
“If she likes you and she told her friends about you, they might come up to you and start a random conversation about things such as: Who would you rather date me or (her name), who do you like better, who is the hottest, would you marry (her name) or me, etc. If they name a list of about three people and her name is in the list, she probably told her friends about you and they’re trying to search for clues to see how you feel about her.” wikihow website’s def got their A-GAME on ;) we guna lurk and let all our hair down, right ladies?
okay, the only reason that would happen is NEVER. unless ur friends is like backstabbing b** but I don’t really seeing that…I mean seriously, who has time for that when you can be doing something even more productive than that. until next time wiki how ;)
why try to earn the approval of this girl nsme Jenny and a coworker named tiffany if they sometimes act when i contact them its just the comparison of they “don’t put effort to contact me and act as they are busy even when if they aren’t”. drop people like these guys. thanks.
reference: youtube—>give pink kisses, ellie scarborough
Rick Warren’s son’s death really really shakes me. And I only started to getting to know his pastoral style and apologetic style thru interviews that John piper that he himself conducts with Rick warren (damn their both really great). I know i’m late haha and Rick Warren’s son has passed away. But I meant to comment on it anyway….
I can’t believe that Rick Warren’s son took his own life. He was in deep depression and he had a lot of suicidal thoughts. Rick Warren’s church (yes this time I’m referring to Papa Warren) claim was that even though Rick Warren’s son had a really good spirit and has capacity to encourage people, he past away. Mostly im grieved and mad at God and am like….”How could you do this????” Rick Warren’s son past away at the age of 27. I can’t fucking rack my brain around it, I just can’t. disclaimer: if you are agnostic or athiest or any other religion and feeling uncomfortable at anytime you can be like I’ll pass and go to another 43things entry post, I won’t be offended I swear
I Have bipolar type II disorder and definitely experienced what Rick warren has gone through, in fact I went to seek professional help wobblebaby farts to prove jokingly my credientials that come off as boasting anyways i’ve come a long way and am the thoughts (suicidal) are way less intense than they used to be. Still, the onset of many manic (but mostly depressive episodes) are very inconvenient and unnecessary and when it happens feels this certain level of intensity knowing that this is something I need (not a choice) to adapt too. On another point, it sickens me when someone wants to take away their life, and that’s when suicide watch and professionals and talking hotlines and friends and family and bakeract are handy. Those problems that seem like so unsolvable at its superficiality or seem like they are like tree roots grounded planted firmly in a aquatic environment or seems like it matters like terribly matters so much in its core if not fixed has a exceptionally delayed possibility, a delayed yet profoundly good things to come. Even the problems would cause us to take a detour, perhaps unfair yet good intentioned backroads, something that will build us our character and our perspective in our dealings of our destiny. This burden yet conquerable trails can one day impact others and little do we know may be a deal breaker for the better, deciding between breathing and taking one’s life away.
disclaimer: seeking professional help and counseling
i hv bipolar type ii and i find that before I get those intense racing thoughts i start feeling really apathetic, and then i get really manic(spin into mania) and want to carry on many different activities at the same time!
i can’t believe i’ve compared myself to her…i started to self injure and hadn’t done that in awhile
bold enough my heart is changing…God is answering my prayers….i went from why does my roommate outbiased me in most things, its to the point its made things awkard and why do i face this to, making this simply as an experience
man he’s so damn mean to his gf, and besides will talk in this really disgusting tone. not following driving etiquette and table etiquette. He’s a jerk. There, I said it
I hereby give myself permission to forgive myself #mooddisorder
It’s ending the two discipleships I have been starting. It’s my last day. Man this past month has been shitty
I kno some of the process of sanctification includes deleting music from my ipod….but imam kinda cringing as I do this…but oh I love God oh soooooo much (:
Yes, just how my ‘rents want me to leave behind a legacy. I want to really be a better parent, Esp. since I grew up with fatherless (although-my father- he is a good person) who is a 吃豆腐 (pervert in chinese). God has used me for his plan andI hope he provides where one day I can find the one and raise a family.
their daugther must have blue hair along with HAZEL eyes (: she will always remain in a pixie height (4’1”) but unlike most students of her peefr group, she has learned to finally settle for herself. At a very EARLY age she understands the important of feeling of connection, yet this innate and raw skilled for her claim of independence. She is an eager and determined person.
yayyyyyy this is the time that i can be manic ALL I WANTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT mwahahahahhhhhh
*Its imp to be involved in community
how does church affect the significants of events in school
-how does being a faithful student where God placed me in. (i.e. should i or should i not take advantage of the education)
- doing well for his glory is GOOD (which means by being diligent, etc)