almondine

so, hostile dependance. I can see it. Clearly. Have looked up Venlafaxine and contraindications – taking responsibility, and working through ‘mood gym’ online – thinking up alternatives to ‘warpy thoughts’. Liz and Campbell were in my office this afternoon talking about anxiety, panic. I asked if Liz had tried CBT, she said no point, caan’t change thoughts. I realised that I am much more aware of them and have a gap these days – I have much more of a choice. I hate that kind of statement (Liz); blanket deadend no.

Conference this weekend and next week. What will happen?

I have started to read up on depression. How strange that I do not know more about it. Its about being in control, being responsible for myself. Those characteristics I have taken as personal I suddenly find out are typical of depression. Its not me. It makes it easier to get a grip and stop the slide down.

I guess I should define for myself where I am moving from. Financially scared. I earn money. I will budget and get my finances under control, boring as that is. This can be counter to my goal of staying out of the living room. I didn’t go skiiing last year due to perceived poverty and the circle moved on without me. I want to make both these goals work at the same time. I can’t wait for one or ignore the other, it just doesn’t work. Am now just going to test new technique of emboldening! must need to ‘print’ for it to be effective.