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How much do you trust your intuition? These past ten years or so, mine’s been dramatically improving.
I’m sitting here late tonight working on my computer and on in the background I’m randomly glance watching some old, tired cable TV channel. Slowly I find my attention being pulled from the work piece I’m researching, slow in my typing, and more and more I start listening to what is happening on TV. All of a sudden I catch myself listening to this incredibly bright and faith-worn woman express her personal marital experience living life with this total tool of a husband. Then the guy begins to speak, and dear lord… I’m back listening to the same story line arguments I went through married to a total tool when I was so young and so foolish so long ago. Seriously. While I’m writing this post I am right in the middle of the show.
Glad I followed my intuition and instinct, because until right now this very moment looking back from the outside in, I did not realize exactly how crazy and miserable the world was that I was psychologically and emotionally in married and committed to a partner who was utterly self indulgent, deceptive, untrustworthy, and manipulative.
Like this woman who chose to overlook her intuition from the start of their relationship and before the marriage the things her heart told her were true, I overlooked, justified, and made excuses. And I was stupid. Like her.
Ignored stories from his past history and ex’s CHECK
Ignored official records and reports CHECK
Ignored signs, clues, patterns, intimate comments CHECK
Was utterly disappointed every time I trusted him and was perpetually disappointed in him for pulling the rug out from under me all the time and me being the one who let him simply by failing to be strong enough to walk out CHECK
Ignored, argued, pleaded, lied, tried to save, tried to please, tried to capitulate, tried to justify, and more CHECK x infinity
Having grown up and realized that the one person in the world I can and should trust is me and me alone, I’ve been able to create my world successfully. More, I was smart enough to push the envelope back them to get myself out of the day to day involvement in order to protect myself and my child—so even though a part of me will always feel as if I lost a part of my life, logic and common sense says what I really did was gain back a chance to happily and successfully re-male my years.
Dr. Phil is listening and floundering away trying to comprehend and speak about the issue. He’s clueless listening to these tales of the “husband living a double life”. Lie detector tests even say this guy is a joke.
Ladies and gentlemen struggling to find your way in life: please trust your instincts and know that relationships with Compulsive Liars and any sort of addict lunatics are such a waste of time. If you know one, trust your judgment and run… don’t walk … to the nearest exit. If you get that funny feeling in the pit of your chest or the base of your spine, trust it. If his lips (or hers) are moving, whatever he or she says they are probably lying.
I won’t say that I did not date my share of moral misfits other than my ex after the divorce (as a matter of fact I had at least 2 others sneak past my radar that were charming but similarly not the best), or that the path that has brought me to trust my instincts without question so much more has been easy. It has not been at all. However, seeing this odd parallel reminder of how far I’ve come makes me appreciate my life and the path of developing trust in my intuition so much more.
You can always love the people who you don’t trust, but it does not mean you have to count on them for anything or have them making chaos on a daily basis by having them in your life or close around.
What a negative partner does or does not do is never really about THEM. It’s about you… and what kind of treatment you are willing to accept. It boils down to exactly what your intuition tells you it’s about – you can’t fix or change anyone. If you can’t or don’t want to accept people exactly as they are, if you chose to stay there is no one to blame but you.
The lady on the TV with the loser husband is not quite there yet—she’s mentally and emotionally where I was (at my wits end) the last two years we were still involved. He’s spewing the same lies and stories I heard all the time. You can see it in her eyes, though… the knowing and fighting the intuition.
Gal needs to jerk herself up by her shorts, suck it up, take the kids, and get as far away to heal as she can go. Or he needs to leave her and find some other poor fool woman to put up with his sickness—and pray that the next one is stupid and low rent enough to keep believing him.
Best case scenario for everyone would be for her to move on and him to be single so he could do whatever he wanted without having to lie to anyone about it. But, to get there, all parties involved would have to trust their intuition—and looking at this monkey show, it’s not likely to happen.
Sad to watch or to want, y’know? Now I know why I never watch these nonsense advice shows.
The only way to win the game is to refuse to play. No matter how much logic or common sense desire makes you want a partners habits or psychological patterns to change, they won’t. You see, the addict, once they fail to have people care enough to feed their ego by wasting time being hurt, floundering about, and chasing after them like a Springer-esque idiot, stops having fun. Their addiction, more than any other thing, is the addiction to lying, living in chaos, and creating drama. As long as other people around them are in angst, they get a power boost. Stop caring, and quite suddenly they find themselves alone… only able to turn to energetically feed on themselves. When they hit this point, one of two things happen. Either they grow up or they move on to find someone else they can manipulate for their own nasty amusement. If they find someone who they don’t have to lie to, that person is not of interest (no juice).
At least that’s what my intuition tells me… and having trusted it now for so long and tested it so many times, I have seen time and time again where it has proved my theory true. And that’s my big discovery… the one that has made my life so much better every single day.
Life always turns out better when I trust ME.
