amcneilly

Reading through all the entries on this topic i see that i share the same disturbing patterns. In a way it made me feel some what comfortable knowing that i was not alone, that other people were going through the same sick twisted cycle. I feel i am still young (25) and have a chance to not let this define me. Before i started i was against gambling and hated it, i used to look at the people gambling and feel pity for them not knowing that one day i would be one of them. On a night out my best friend won a large sum of money and i had my first gamble. my perception of gambling starting to change. I knew the odds but i felt that i was lucky, now i waste entire afternoons running back and forth to the ATM. Unlike most people on this site i have not amassed large debts, i have blown a significant amount of my savings, setting myself back years. My friends are buying homes and have heathy savings, i have nothing to show for years of work. it does not matter how much i save because it only take a relapse and i have lost it all. I have been very good at covering up my problem, keeping it from friends, family and especially my girlfriend. I have unfairly hurt my girlfriend most of all, we both work hard to save money and i keep loosing chunks of my savings keeping us from achieving our goals. She means everything to me and even though i know i will lose her if this continues i cannot stop myself. Yesterday i gambled away all but $200 of my savings for a long planed trip away, Once again setting myself back. I need to stop forever, this is not the life i imagined my self living. My fear is that i will post again in the coming months relapsing. i need to quit, i want to quit, i can quit.