After deciding that we were waaaay too stressed out last semester, my roommate and I signed up for yoga classes, and so far they’ve been wonderful! I’ve wanted to do this for a long time, and its really nice to have someone else to go with so I don’t feel quite so dumb as the only beginner in the class. Yay! Goal accomplished!
In an act of unprecidented bravery/stupidity (I’m still not sure which… maybe both?), I recently accepted an invitation to read one of my poems at a public reading at which several well-known writers/poets were also reading. That is NOT something that I do. I do NOT share what I write. I HATE public speaking and would rather blend into a wall than be the center of attention. And yet, I read something I wrote in front of a crowd of 50-60 people. And, terrifying as it was, to my great surprise, I didn’t die. And no one laughed or made nasty comments or threw things at me. Instead, people clapped, and afterward, told me that they liked my work, that it was “unique” and “fresh” and “just wonderful.” Weird.
It was an incredibly tough semester, academically and emotionally. I didn’t think I could do it, didn’t think I was smart enough to cut it. But somehow I finished my first semester and I’ll be back for a second one. I credit this entirely to the graduate students and professors in the department who realized that I was having a rough time and believed in me and encouraged me to stick it out. I’m blessed to have those people in my life.
College isn’t for everyone, and its not something you do just because you “should.” Maybe its just not right for my brother. He needs to find his own way, and I can’t take resonsiblity for his decisions. I need to realize that he’s not so little anymore, and to trust that he’ll do what’s best.
I’m not in the position to fix this now. Too many bills, not enough income. (Sigh.) Maybe someday…
It was an unexpected but much appreciated Christmas present. I’m really not one for techno-gadgets, but I’m obsessed with this one. No more fumbing around with hundreds of cds, and now I can listen to music while I run, too! Yay!
I have kind of a weird, eclectic taste in music, which means that I never know what I’ll be in the mood to listen to, so I’m always hauling a big cd case around in my car. With the iPod, I wouldn’t have to worry about getting in a car accident while shuffling a bunch of cds around to find a Joni Mitchell cd if I get bored listening to System of a Down while I’m driving. (I’m trying to justify the purchase of a waaaaay expensive toy by making it an issue of safety.) Even still, there is a small problem, I can’t see myself EVER being able to afford one. I’m not exactly raking in the big bucks as a grad student. So. You, reading this—want to buy me a present? ;)
I kinda got really attached to the place after living there for 3 months, and I want NOTHING more than to just go back to Rome. If I had the money, I’d be on a plane RIGHT NOW, and I wouldn’t be coming back. Too bad I didn’t win the powerball lottery tonight—could’ve bought a really nice little villa with that 380 million dollars. And a vespa too. Yeah… I’d definitely have to get a vespa.
Not going so well. I’m a mess, actually. I’M JUST NOT SMART ENOUGH TO DO THIS and that’s REALLY frustrating. ARRGH!
Since I’ve started grad school, there hasn’t been much time to do any non-class-related writing (or non-class-related anything, really). BUT, I don’t want my entire life to be eaten up by my coursework. So, as a way to motivate myself to do some writing, today I signed up for a series of writing workshops that are being held at the art museum. I’m a little bit excited for this; its being led by several professional poets and writers and its focus is on writing about art—very cool.
Okay… I need to modify this. Before I can do well in graduate school, I need to NOT drop out, which is what I REALLY want to do. New goal: to still be enrolled in grad school at the end of the semester.
I want the people around me to be happy. I want to be a positive, optimistic person, but I’ve been in a bit of a funk lately, and I really don’t want to drag anyone else down with me. So, instead of dwelling and complaining, I’m going to work on being cheerful and trying to get a smile or a laugh out of everyone I encounter.
I get nervous that my brother may be heading down the wrong track sometimes, and its hard, since I’m so far from home, to be there to encourage him. I need to make more of an effort to convince him that he’s a smart kid and to help him with the college application process, because I’m afraid that if I don’t push him, no one will.
I did this all summer last year and I absolutely LOVED it. It gave me something to look forward to and may have been the only thing that kept me sane while I waited tables full-time. I had to stop because I didn’t have the time or the money to continue with the classes, but I’d REALLY like to start up again soon. A couple hours a week spent in the pottery studio could be a good outlet for some of the stress of graduate school.
Ok, so I really need to find a nice boyfriend. Soon.
I keep finding myself in these horrid relationships with guys who are completely wrong for me and end up treating me like dirt… I don’t know how it keeps happening, but it needs to stop.
I just want to be with a NICE guy for once. And one who kinda likes me too. Is that asking too much?
I love New York. REALLY love it. I’m stuck here in Pittsburgh for a few more years, but someday I’d love to live there, even if just for a little while. For now I’ll have to be content with the occasional visit, though. I usually get there every few months and wander around pretending to be a New Yorker and daydreaming about how fabulous it would be if I had my own apartment in Manhattan.
I tend to go through random creative spurts during which I’ll paint nonstop for about a week, then I’ll look back at what I’ve done and decide that I hate it all and that I suck and then I get frustrated and stop painting all together. I have to convince myself that I do NOT have to create masterpieces. I really need to quit it with the perfectionism, tune out that damn inner critic and just allow myself room to play.
