when do you say you’ve stopped? when you haven’t done it for a week? for a month? for a few months? a year? at the moment I’ve hardly stopped FOREVER. I can only say I’ve stopped for a while… though even now the thought crosses my mind…why is it so gratifying? ..that i think “hmm…maybe”... would I feel better? just like every time I binge and then don’t purge… I think how much better I might feel if only… right now I think my thoughts are all over the place and hanging from chandeliers and jumping off balconies and I can’t seem to rally them all together and order them in a strict military fashion and I think for a second… gotta gain control….cut cut cut?
no, no, no.
Jan 02, 2007, 08:51PM PST | 1 cheer | 1 comment
Starting January 3rd, I babysit for my cousin’s 2 youngest kids. Just to give you an idea: a 2 month old boy and a 2 year old girl – from 8a.m. to 1p.m., Monday through Friday. It’s a paying job…so that counts, right? And hey, hopefully, this activity (uh, job) will take me away from myself, the depression and obsessive helpless E.D.-related thoughts…annnnd perhaps aid in my goal of LOSING this demon weight I have on me. Soooo, I don’t know if this is sufficient enough to say “goal complete!”... but it is a paying regular babysitting job.
Dec 29, 2006, 07:13AM PST | 0 comments
I looked at my requirements left to get my psychology degree yesterday. I have planned to take a class on the sociology of marriage and family online that will transfer over while I’m not really in school… It will mean so much more when I finish my degree after all the obstacles and detours I have taken… just yesterday I found a college ring my parents INSISTED on buying me at the end of what would have been my junior year as an Art History major… It says BA 05. It says a college which I no longer attend. It feels like a joke, a lie, a “what could have been” but maybe the changes and wrong turns and right turns alike are “what should be”... I never needed a ring to signify anything… however, my education is so important to me…and I WILL finish…someday…
Dec 28, 2006, 08:54AM PST | 0 comments
I'm doing 39 things
