andesite

The reason I used to think up so many stories in my head was to escape the reality of this world. My life was boring and frustrating; I was unhappy with myself and yearned to live in another world that is a hundred times more exciting and fascinating. I have always had a great imagination, so I created several different fantasy worlds in my head, with interesting characters and thrilling situations. But unlike many other people who do this, I myself was not part of these worlds; I focused on the lives of others who were cooler and more talented than me so that I could forget about myself and my life.

Unfortunately, reality always catches up, and neglecting my own life only caused my future to worsen. I wished I could always stay in my fantasy worlds; waking up to myself became painful. I realized it was time to rectify the situation and save myself before I lose everything and eventually go crazy.

When the summer holidays arrived, I could finally relax and recover from the horribly stressful and depressing years of high school. I started concentrating on my life, improving myself and doing the things I want and like. Even as uni started, I always looked out into the real world and was more communicative and social. There were so many things I needed to do and I began planning out my goals and tasks. Half a year has now gone by, and I have realized that during this time I haven’t escaped into my imaginary worlds at all. I admit I did go into my stories several times, but they were only for fun and the durations were short. Even though my life is still not ideal, I would rather face the pain and challenge of reality than escape and avoid it. I have too many things to do and they all require me to be mentally here 100% of the time.

I have been creating stories since the age of 6. Someday I want to write them down and publish them as books, but first I will need to improve my language and writing skills. It would give me unspeakable joy if people will enjoy my stories as much as I do. I want to succeed, and only by living fully and developing my potential do I have a chance at achieving sucess.

There is only so much time in the world, and I simply have more important things to do than learning sign language. I wish it would be possible, but even if I could, I wouldn’t know which language to learn! Every country has its own sign language, and being an international citizen, I don’t know which country I’ll end up living in so there is really no point in putting all the energy, time and effort into something that will be no use to me at all. It is sad to give this goal up but I need to set my priorities…

Good luck to everyone else who are still trying, or have succeeded!

With the coming of winter came my appetite back. And with my appetite, came the kilos.

Within 1 month I have now gained back the last 2kg I took a lot of effort to lose during the summer. I don’t even need to look at my scales to know there is extra fat hanging off my body! It really scares and surprises me how obvious it feels and how much it’s affecting my movements and mood. The only difference now is that most of the fat is clinging onto a slightly different part of my body than last time. Just gaining 2kg makes me feel heavy, less graceful, and most notably, insecure…exactly how I felt in the past, when I was at my heaviest!

With this personal experience, I now realize the true extent of relief and joy just a few kilos of fat less can bring to my body and mind. My goal now is to lose 4kg of fat (the 2kg from before and an extra 2kg) by the end of January (in 1 month’s time). If my will to look and feel better is stronger than the pleasure I get from eating food in excess everyday, then I am sure that I can achieve it.

I was able to lose a total of around 7kg over the summer with careful eating (following a rough guide of the every-other-day-diet) and constant exercise. The first 5kg came off quickly with a normal eating and exercise because it was over my “equilibrium weight” (I was eating excessively before), but the next 2kg was harder to lose.

Unfortunately, this virtuous circle I created was first disrupted by my knee injury from biking; then from the start of uni, where I was too busy getting used to new schedules and coming home late to do anything else, as well as staying up late to do homework (lack of sleep disrupts hormones and helps gain fat); next with a 4-day conference I had to attend, where a lot of junk food was offered and I stayed up extremely late each night partying; and finally with the cold European winter: wearing too much made exercising a bigger effort and the tendency to want to store fat for warmth is simply natural human behavior.

Now the question is: can I break out of this system, this vicious circle? Is it really possible to focus on eating, exercising and losing excess fat when I have 8 exams in January to study for and many other external activities to attend? I’ve tried in the past; and I’ve failed. The stress and pressure I gave myself to get excellent grades always induced me to eat more, sleep late, exercise less and feel depressed…exactly the ingredients for gaining weight!

This time, I will not be so hopeful again like countless other times, but I will certainly do my best and regularly update on my progress. This is a good way to keep myself in check.