andsoitseems

i am the person who always dreams about what they want to do, but rarely does it. I like the open possibility, though, and i never want to short cut myself. I just like to think of elaborate ideas and hope one day maybe, if fate, or destiny, or whatever you want to call it, is real, then it will surely happen if it is supposed to happen.
I have a passion for travel. I know that. I want to jump a plan and live in a continent for months at a time. I don’t want to do it alone, though, I think I would get pretty lonely. But when i think about it, the aloneness is part of its appeal. sometimes being on my own feels good. sometimes ignoring the phone and ignoring the knocks on the door is all apart of figuring out yourself. or maybe they are just metaphors of never allowing anyone into my life.
My own insecurities about people never being genuine enough, always show. I don’t like being messed around with, I don’t like putting trust and faith into people for them to joke with me and my feelings. So emo, I know. But I think thats a huge part of who I am—always in search of the genuine. the real.
I’m tired of never following through.

I want to do this. I’ve never been to France, and that is the basis of its appeal. It has the most allure.

i kissed a guy in december.
so much fun.
so awkward too.
kissing is awkward.
your mouth on his mouth thats been on other mouths.
in the heat of the moment it is not weird or awkward.
but looking back, its kind of an interesting concept… to kiss.

whatever, it was fun.
can’t say that i know much about it, though.

i did this all spring. everyone questions why, and I would say “just because”.
i would pick flowers from yards or trees and give them away or leave them on doorsteps.
its wonderful.