angieallcock

yeh, i smoked…very disappointed in myself n all that but don’t wanna go on about the failure too much…i’ve not started smoking again officially though n i am still a non-smoker who slipped up a bit in the past couple of weeks.
so, i made it 4 weeks without smokin at all, then slipped up a bit n now am back on track, avoiding the pub n my smoking mates like the plague.
no excuse for smoking, just lack of will power, pathetic really, but c’est la vie.
so im gonna have to keep writing these things everyday again just to make sure i dont trip up again….smoking is shit…it really makes your hangovers worse…and dont think you can have a couple of joints whilst giving up smoking…u cant..it just makes life a hell of a lot harder.
so unofficially i have been a none-smoker since 31st decemember, whith just a couple of slip ups along the way. it would have been a lot better without those few cheeky cigs, but never mind

feel like shit again! every day is so up n down it’s untrue, getting stressed over my exams on friday and have been at work all day today ( a wonderful place to smoke).
i want to smoke now
i really really feel like smoking
i know this is not helping me one bit…

the weirdest thing is i want to smoke because my lungs feel actually empty…clean like, n they haven’t been that way for so long that it doesn’t feel right.
this is obviously stupid i know….just everything that’s happened today: back to work, family problems, drinking coffee, revising, house hunting etc.
i just want one, just one, i keep telling myself…i also know that this is a pathetic thought and i am just dependent on an unimportant plant but still….it doesn’t make me feel a lot better at all.
just writing this really to keep my hands busy, keep my mind busy and just generally NOT SMOKE!
i feel sick…i feel like i should be over smoking by now…i should be a non-smoker…but i’m not, im just a smoker who has managed to stop for 17 days and that’s shit because i keep thinking that every day i’ll just give in to temptation and start smoking again….i felt relatively positive before, because there was something to aim for. the 1 day, 1 week, 2 week mark. now the only goal post i have is one month and that is so daunting.
ahhh, i should get over it, it’s only smoking i suppose, worse things happen at sea and all that.

the cravings are going away, i’ve been out on the piss loads and still not smoked which is ace, all my none smoking friends are back at uni now, so just hanging round with them stops me from wanting to smoke so much… sat in the no smoking coffee shop for 3 hours yesterday and didn’t even think about smoking. coffee for me is worse than beer for with ciggies, but it was ace. i’d usually purposely go to the nasty coffee shop so i can smoke, but yesterday went to the lovely one with the lovely clean air. i’ve saved over 70 quid not smoking now, god knows where i found the money from..i feel as poor as ever.
went swimming again today, no breathlessness at all.
keep doing it, well worth it…every time i see a smoker they seem to look very ugly…bad skin n teeth.realised how unhealthy n lazy smokers look. it’s nice to be in the none-smoking group now :)
these are the first exams i have ever had to do in my whole life (smoked since 12) wihtout smoking, but it isn’t that hard now the cravings are down to about one a day