I'm doing 23 things
I already love myself. I’ve already stopped trying to become what I like in other people and I am already only becoming what/who I want myself to be.
For example, I used to say that if I met myself, I would not get along with her, because I also used to be the kind of person who liked to be completely original. It took a few years, but I don’t even remotely consider being original as a reason to do anything unless I actually want to. Now I realize that the “What would happen if you met yourself?” question is kind of a mind trick to see how much a person loves him/herself as they are. (Always love yourself. No matter how you change, you ain’t ever going to be anyone but yourself.)
Excerpt from a diary entry -
over the past two, maybe three days, i’ve been noticing all those little reflexive ways in which i compare myself to others. i thought i didn’t do it an unhealthy amount, just in the ways to help myself learn/realize about myself and grow from it, but apparently i do a crapload of negative energy-sapping thinking, mostly in the form of comparing.
things like:
“this person’s mother sounds like my mother, but why does mine have to be crazy to the extent that i now have post-traumastic stress disorder?”
“this girl is just like me, what makes her so different that she gets positive/public attention?”
and of course, i never know this comparisee personally, so it slowly drives myself nuts with anxiety from wondering what it is that she does that attracts the “cool” people to her…
“this classmate is less smart than me, but why is it that my efforts are less recognized than theirs?”
i can usually answer this question, but the adversity which my subconscious throws back at me from not wanting to know/hear this answer knocks me off of my feet. i might as well just do away with question, adversity, and avoidance altogether and carry out the solutions when i come to them.
