antipodeanadventurer

Since the time I wrote this entry, I have renewed my subscription to my old blog, and changed the entire focus from myself to other people. It will be interesting to see what transpires.

I will admit that when I had my nose pierced for the second time, it brought tears to my eyes. However, the pain had ceased within a couple of minutes, and I was as right as rain.

The first time I had my nose pierced, I had a large diamante stud, which made me feel like I had a huge sparkling pimple on my nose. However, I was able to choose a small stud this time, and I’m very happy with how it looks. After all, once my nose heals I can always chose to have a different stud.

In another note … not only did I have my nose pierced, but Brassica Oleracea screwed up the courage to have his ear peirced simultaneously – thus killing two birds with one stone. Well worth doing!

I don’t think anyone I know comes here anymore, so it’s safe to write this here. As a teacher, I am a failure. I’ve been told by my principal that she thinks I would be an excellent mainstream teacher, but that I’m not suited to special education. This is one of my worst fears realised. When I was in training, I always feared I would be a bad teacher, and now I’ve become one. I’m almost at the end of my rope, and started to become suicidal because I don’t know what to do. Teaching in special education is very stressful, but I found mainstream even more so due to the number of kids, and their behaviour issues. I am a terrible classroom manager.

I either need to reduce my stress levels, or get out of teaching all together. However, if I got out, what would I do? Work is hard enough to find when times are good in my city, and we are entering a recession. Besides that, if I didn’t teach, where would I go? Who would hire me? It’s been so long since I’ve had a different job that I don’t think anyone would hire me. I’ve not had the opportunity to keep up the skills that would be required for other types of work eg administrative and welfare work. The latter was too stressful anyway, which was why I decided to go into teaching.

I am so scared of becoming a burden to everyone I know due to my depression. I would love to be able to make people happy, and be happy myself, but due to my mental illness (I have depression and anxiety), all I feel I do is sap my partner, my family and my students of joy. Sometimes, I think it would be much better to just not be here anymore.

I’ve seen so many people who had taken on this goal decide not to be teachers anymore … I hoped I wouldn’t join their ranks, but unless something changes I think I’m going to have to for the sake of my health.