Andras Peter

Well, here it is. I share my own misery as well.

We met 2 and a half year ago. WE were instantly in love and basically we moved together after 4 days. But at the time I was planning to move to the UK for a long time and it was a big decision to ask her if she wants to come with me. We had the most difficult but the happiest time of our life. We built up a new life together, everything around us started to take shape. We were planning a family and everything. Than something went terribly wrong in the next few months. Partly it was my fault I know exactly where was the problem and I blaming myself for that. Of course everything needs two people. Even though we always talked about everything, for some reason we never talked about this thing, everybody tried to solve the problem by itself. And than we started to have very bad times. She was unhappy because of me I was unhappy because she was unhappy… But neither of us did anything. To make things even worst she met someone who was stable and of course very understanding… But still none of us wanted to give this relationship up because both of us knew (and we still know) that we would be a perfect couple. After a terrible xmas time and an even worst new years eve, she moved out. I was devastated; I had hard times in my life, but never ever imagined that this feeling even exists.
I couldn’t even talk to her for a week because I was just crying like a little kid. Then a tried all sorts’ way to tell her: we mustn’t give it up even in that situation. Please be open for a chance not know, but don’t erase every feeling towards me.
Of course now that my mind is a bit clearer I know that was the worst thing what I could do.
At the moment I still love her, love her very much. I don’t want anybody else to have a family with or to live with. But I also know that this had to be happened to make things straight, either way. At the moment she does not want to be with me anymore. But she also admit that she knows nobody will love and know her that much than me and I know (well I feel at the moment) that I experienced the deepest love what a human can feel. Also I know that the last 3 weeks hasn’t helped too much to regain of her feelings, but I was a complete wreck so compare myself now to that time it is a wonder that I am actually alive.

So I told to myself. I can give it up, cut everything off and be friends some time later or I can try to do something. The hardest part that the main thing what I need to do is nothing. The main thing what I need to do is carry on with my life and force myself back to reality before I am destroying everything which remained around me. It is not love, but I have my studies, my job (even it is a shit one) I’ve still got my friends and family and I still got myself.
I try to be there when she needs me I try not to send stupid texts or emails explaining why we should be together. I am helping her quite a lot which is a tricky situation I am only hoping that she still feel something towards me and that’s why she ask my help and not only using me. I try not to mention anything about our “relationship” about future or past or present. I try to get back on my feet again and show her and myself that I can do it I am capable to be a man (in a sense of life, not biologically). I try to be the one only better and stronger who cached her heart so quickly and easily. I know she is the ONE and I know I could make her happy just I made her happy before. Of course it is not that simple and of course there is a possibility there she never will find the way back to me but then probably I will have realize that she is not the ONE. In the mean time of course I know she is and if we won’t get back together eventually I know that I lost the chance to be with the person who designed for me inside and out.
So here is my goal. I want her back and I am only hoping that is not too late that with the first few week’s madness I haven’t lost every possibility with her.

Well, here it is. I share my own misery as well.

We met 2 and a half year ago. WE were instantly in love and basically we moved together after 4 days. But at the time I was planning to move to the UK for a long time and it was a big decision to ask her if she wants to come with me. We had the most difficult but the happiest time of our life. We built up a new life together, everything around us started to take shape. We were planning a family and everything. Than something went terribly wrong in the next few months. Partly it was my fault I know exactly where was the problem and I blaming myself for that. Of course everything needs two people. Even though we always talked about everything, for some reason we never talked about this thing, everybody tried to solve the problem by itself. And than we started to have very bad times. She was unhappy because of me I was unhappy because she was unhappy… But neither of us did anything. To make things even worst she met someone who was stable and of course very understanding… But still none of us wanted to give this relationship up because both of us knew (and we still know) that we would be a perfect couple. After a terrible xmas time and an even worst new years eve, she moved out. I was devastated; I had hard times in my life, but never ever imagined that this feeling even exists.
I couldn’t even talk to her for a week because I was just crying like a little kid. Then a tried all sorts’ way to tell her: we mustn’t give it up even in that situation. Please be open for a chance not know, but don’t erase every feeling towards me.
Of course now that my mind is a bit clearer I know that was the worst thing what I could do.
At the moment I still love her, love her very much. I don’t want anybody else to have a family with or to live with. But I also know that this had to be happened to make things straight, either way. At the moment she does not want to be with me anymore. But she also admit that she knows nobody will love and know her that much than me and I know (well I feel at the moment) that I experienced the deepest love what a human can feel. Also I know that the last 3 weeks hasn’t helped too much to regain of her feelings, but I was a complete wreck so compare myself now to that time it is a wonder that I am actually alive.

So I told to myself. I can give it up, cut everything off and be friends some time later or I can try to do something. The hardest part that the main thing what I need to do is nothing. The main thing what I need to do is carry on with my life and force myself back to reality before I am destroying everything which remained around me. It is not love, but I have my studies, my job (even it is a shit one) I’ve still got my friends and family and I still got myself.
I try to be there when she needs me I try not to send stupid texts or emails explaining why we should be together. I am helping her quite a lot which is a tricky situation I am only hoping that she still feel something towards me and that’s why she ask my help and not only using me. I try not to mention anything about our “relationship” about future or past or present. I try to get back on my feet again and show her and myself that I can do it I am capable to be a man (in a sense of life, not biologically). I try to be the one only better and stronger who cached her heart so quickly and easily. I know she is the ONE and I know I could make her happy just I made her happy before. Of course it is not that simple and of course there is a possibility there she never will find the way back to me but then probably I will have realize that she is not the ONE. In the mean time of course I know she is and if we won’t get back together eventually I know that I lost the chance to be with the person who designed for me inside and out.
So here is my goal. I want her back and I am only hoping that is not too late that with the first few week’s madness I haven’t lost every possibility with her.

An other try but this will be the last one.

My 4. universty so far….