a tempest in her eyes

My uncle whom I haven’t seen for many years told me this weekend past that I had “that pregnancy glow thing going on”, and that he could see it even if I couldn’t.

I don’t, you know.

What I do have is the feeling that, for the first time in a long while, I am happy.
Last time he saw me I was a barely-past teenager and discontented for all I was worth. I was in a relationship that I had an inkling was going nowhere two years in (yet I stuck it out another five!) with a boy stuck in a man’s body, I was desperately poor, and it looked like I was going to continue on that way indefinitely. None of my dreams or hopes for my future looked like they’d ever be achieved.

I have achieved and done so much since then. I now have a partner whom I can see myself growing old with, we don’t have a lot of money, but we have enough, I know I’m capable of supporting myself through work, I know just how well I can live off the money I can make, I’ve lived alone here in Australia and in a sharehouse in London, and I FINALLY got to see Paris, probably my oldest dream.
And I know it’s not forever, and sometimes I still cry or feel a bit panicked, but overall I feel happy. Life is good.

Has made me even MORE adamantly pro-choice than before (go fig).
I really am in thrall to the little parasite inside me – s/he’s taken over, and determines when and what I can eat, when I sleep, how often I go to the toilet, even places I can and can’t go, because of my heightened sense of smell!

I can’t imagine being forced to go through this unwillingly – and I seem to have had a fairly mild pregnancy so far in regards to side effects. And the thought of being forced to experience even what I have, after being violated, makes my insides curl up. I think it would classify as a form of torture. :(
Just the thought of it makes me want to cry at how horrible we human beings can be to each other (damn pregnancy hormones).

And I’m going to clear this from my list, to make room for other goals. :(
There is a good chance I WILL be trying to lose bodymass after my baby is born – I’m going to try to focus on my body shape/size rather than the numbers though. I don’t care if I end up weighing 200 kilos, so long as I can fit my pre-pregnancy clothes, quite honestly.
But that’s not for ages – my goal at the moment is to START looking fatter in the middle! I can’t honestly wait to start having that big pregnancy tummy going on.