artistinme82

So I’ve had a blog on myspace (if you really would like to see it, check out www.myspace.com/artistinme82) since the end of January, 2007. And while that might not seem like a lot of writing consider this: I wrote 50 blog entries between January 31, 2007 and December 22, 2008, which means I wrote fifty blogs in less then 24 months! That’s more then 2 blogs a month, and considering the fact that although I am sick, I do a lot of things, that’s a lot of blogs. Many of them are answers to questions my life coach (yes, I have a life coach, not a psychologist or psychiatrist, an actual life coach, and I don’t even “go” to “see” her! She didn’t want to buy space and then have to make her clients pay the overhead, so she actually talks to you over the phone! And yes, it is very helpfull and very relaxing, I don’t know where I’d be at this point without her)posed to me to answer in some form of writing “put it out there” in the unverse as she would say. Well while some of my blogs were constructive in my life, some of my blogs talked about stuff that has gone on in my family that I just shouldn’t have talked about. Then my mom figured out how to read it and she told me that if I wrote more stuff like I had already done she would be very upset, and that if I cared, I should stop. Well I did. I will not talk about some of the things I talked about in the blog anymore. This made me wonder where the heck I’m going to put the words and the frustrations and all the things that I worry and think about.

Finally, one week in my precoaching prep form (My life coach likes her clients to write in this form she she knows what kinds of things need to be talked about, and also if the client knows any way to make what they are worrying about better. When I told her I was so greatful to her, she said I had done it on my own, and I guess that’s where the form comes in.) I mentioned my problem with the blog. I usually just write the blogs without really thinking about what I’m saying, because the truth comes out that way, and in passing I said something about writing a book about me and my coach said it would be a fabulous idea.

She told me about a book that might help me, called “The Artists Way” workbook, which helps you to unlock the creativity stuck in your mind. So after getting an Amazon.com gift card I thought what they hay, it sure sounds interesting. The book came and already (after only eight pages, although the book is rather large in the virticle sense) fasinated. I aleady feel it helping, and it’s making me want to write more and more about me in all kinds of places so there are lots of things to choose from.

So that’s where I am right now on this “thing”; hopefully soon I will update ever “thing” in my list so you know what’s going on in my life…even if you don’t care :). So for now I’ll leave you to go on to other places on this site and other sites in this wonderful web. Till next time all…

Blessed be

So you all know by now that I suffer from a chronic pain condition called RSD. What you probably realize is that I’m on a lot of prescribed medication. What you don’t know is the other side of the medications I’ve taken and been given. It’s called the reason why I think anyone who tries drugs EVEN MARIJUANNA are stupid.

Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday of this week I was given Ketamine through an IV. I “tripped” a little…and guess what for a second there, I got “it”. I understood why people use mind altering drugs. The tripping was kinda cool. But remember: to drugs there are ALWAYS a down side, and I’m there right now. To help you understand the down side, I’ll put it in steps: Step one, take drug, Step two, trip like you’ve never tripped before! Step three: feel like SHIT and have to sleep for DAYS. Step four, be WIDE AWAKE and increadibly nervous for many many hours after. It was awful today, I was trying to stay happy with the tricker treaters, but then a friend of my mom and sister dropped by. I think she’s a cool person, but the problem is she has to kids…and you may be going “awww so cute…why would that be a bad thing”? But remember, I’m already hopped up and nervous, not to mention the fact that I hate kids (babies I’m ok with, but once they are old enough to pick things up, forget it)! On top of all of that, my house is FULL of breakable things. It’s not that I want people to tip-toe around my house, because they really don’t have to, they really really don’t! But most people don’t have to touch every little freaking thing! Gah! Talk about nerves!

Seriously though, most days I am a lot better then I used to be. Just sometimes I have to take a couple steps back…

So I know it’s been about two years since I last wrote in this “thing”. I’m sorry, I completely forgot about “43things” and now that I remembered it again, I’m glad that I have this list to look in on. So here is an update on my search to be more confident.

A week and a half ago (starting the fourteenth) I went into the hospital to have surgery. I was scared to death, because it would be on the second time I would be in the hospital where my mom wouldn’t be staying overnight (and yes, I am extremely jelous of those people who have to count their birth on their list of the number of times they’ve gone to the hospital in order to make it sound like they’ve been in one more then once. In my opinion BIRTH DOESN’T COUNT because it’s not an illness and you’ll never remember it.). The last time was for my heart surgery (yes, I had heart surgery at the age of 24) about a year ago.

So I guess you’re wondering how being in the hospital made me learn to be more confident. Well here’s the thing: the hospital, whose name I will not give to protect the “innocent”, screwed up…a lot. For example I’d been given ten milligrams of oxycodone (yes, I take oxycodone!) about three times a day. All of a sudden my doctor decided to give me five milligrams for no apparent reason. Also, I asked to see urology on Saturday in order to figure out if I could take out the catheter that I had to get put in when I couldn’t…you know…Urology finally decided to show up on Monday. So on Monday when urology hadn’t gotten there yet and the med was already screwed up, I called my nurse in the room (actually my sister did, I couldn’t say what I needed to say over the phone) and told her exactly what was going on. I said that first of all five miligrams of oxycodone doesn’t do shit when it comes to helping me feel better (and yes, that was the truth) and that I was tired of having the catheter put in, that she needed to get on the phone and tell urology that they needed to come see me NOW. And guess what?

I got my way! I was floored by the words that came out of my mouth. Usually when these things happen someone has to talk for me. When I told my sister to call the nurse into the room, I thought she was going to have to do all the talking. Well she didn’t.

Can I be confident in a room full of people? I’m not sure. But at least I learned how to be confident when my life depended on it.