I was working on my blog a moment ago, and thought I’d share this piece from one of my posts. It’s from an entry in one of my journals dated August 13, 2008. Which is interesting considering I was in the midst of a depression. I was surprised to see that, despite where I was emotionally and spiritually at the time, that a part of me was still hopeful that I could become an influential person for someone else. I noticed a number of these subtle outbursts of positivity throughout the depressive period of my life. Hindsight is always 20/20, but I can’t help but wonder, was I THAT far gone and so depressed that I couldn’t see part of myself vying to get out and live again? Or did I indeed notice it, but chose to ignore it for whatever reason? Something for me to ponder the next few days. Enjoy the post.
I believe I can hep people, inspire people, motivate people and entertain people. Bring them joy, peace, happiness. I believe I can use my life and all of its mistakes, failures, faux pas as well as the successes, triumphs and achievements; to guide, teach and nurture others. I believe I can transform my life events into a business, myself into a brand, and from the rewards, I will share my success with all who will listen. Maybe I can prevent someone from making the same mistakes as I, somehow sparing them the pain. I am certain that my calling in life is to help others, but if that’s true, then how did I wind up here? Is this pain part of some divinely orchestrated theater for the purpose of molding me into some broken-down, half-assed teacher, or is it God’s punishment? It can’t be punishment. Not a feeling this intense. But if it is possible, and I am to be a light to others, how am I suppose to reach them? Under what circumstances or conditions? Are people just suppose to come flocking to me on the streets? Maybe this is why I’ve been having the urge to move overseas. Maybe my destiny lies there. I’m thinking too much. Perhaps this is all my subconscious wishing for a better life than what I have now. Or perhaps, it’s a legitimate feeling. I’m not entirely sure either way. I just know what it is that I feel. What I believe.