Rae

I was working on my blog a moment ago, and thought I’d share this piece from one of my posts. It’s from an entry in one of my journals dated August 13, 2008. Which is interesting considering I was in the midst of a depression. I was surprised to see that, despite where I was emotionally and spiritually at the time, that a part of me was still hopeful that I could become an influential person for someone else. I noticed a number of these subtle outbursts of positivity throughout the depressive period of my life. Hindsight is always 20/20, but I can’t help but wonder, was I THAT far gone and so depressed that I couldn’t see part of myself vying to get out and live again? Or did I indeed notice it, but chose to ignore it for whatever reason? Something for me to ponder the next few days. Enjoy the post.

I believe I can hep people, inspire people, motivate people and entertain people. Bring them joy, peace, happiness. I believe I can use my life and all of its mistakes, failures, faux pas as well as the successes, triumphs and achievements; to guide, teach and nurture others. I believe I can transform my life events into a business, myself into a brand, and from the rewards, I will share my success with all who will listen. Maybe I can prevent someone from making the same mistakes as I, somehow sparing them the pain. I am certain that my calling in life is to help others, but if that’s true, then how did I wind up here? Is this pain part of some divinely orchestrated theater for the purpose of molding me into some broken-down, half-assed teacher, or is it God’s punishment? It can’t be punishment. Not a feeling this intense. But if it is possible, and I am to be a light to others, how am I suppose to reach them? Under what circumstances or conditions? Are people just suppose to come flocking to me on the streets? Maybe this is why I’ve been having the urge to move overseas. Maybe my destiny lies there. I’m thinking too much. Perhaps this is all my subconscious wishing for a better life than what I have now. Or perhaps, it’s a legitimate feeling. I’m not entirely sure either way. I just know what it is that I feel. What I believe.

I’m not sure how I’ll be able to help anyone face and beat their depression, but I believe talking about my own experiences is a start. I was working on one of my ebooks earlier and thought this piece would make for a nice start. It’s not in depth, it’s not complicated, it just loosely talks about an experience while getting help with my depression. I’ll be posting more of these in the future, but I hope that by openly sharing and talking about my experiences, it will encourage others to open up about theirs, and possible get the help they need to overcome the disorder.

A Memo To Myself

During my depression, I met with a psychologist off an on as a recommendation by a friend. I didn’t see the point of sitting in a room listening to someone that was only going to tell me what I already knew, that I had an emotional problem and needed help. But she insisted, and said that the doctor she was referring me to was a family friend, and that I should give her a try. So I did. We met at her office a handful of times but for the most part, we met in the evenings at a quite lounge, mainly because that’s where I felt most comfortable and relaxed. We met several times in 2009, and each time she required me to do an exercise before meeting again. One of these exercises, which she’d given me near the end of our sessions together, asked me to write a short memo from my future self to my present self. The idea is to get patients to think of the life they’d want to cultivate or thing of things they would like to do and work towards. I thought it was silly at first, and didn’t want to do it, but I knew if I didn’t do the work, she wouldn’t have agreed to another session. So I did. It took me a week, but I was finally able to come up with something. Thought I’d share it with all of you.

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I want to encourage you to be and have more than you are today. To appreciate all the little wonders of life. To laugh more, cry more, be more open and transparent, hug more, taste more, see more of the world around you, prepare new dishes in your kitchen, go see a new movie, meditate and pray often, spend more time with your family, fellowship with amazing friends, shed your inhibitions, and set new goals for yourself and put forth the effort to reach them. I want to share the experiences life has brought you, and the lessons it will teach you. Be different. Be adventurous. Be vulnerable. That is living.

Managed to post the first of what I hope turns out to be dozens, maybe even hundreds of entries. I’m excited, nervous and yet calm all at the same time. I feel confident (more so than last time) that I will complete this goal at the end of its 6 month duration.

I have a bit of planning and brainstorming to do, as evident from an email exchange between myself and a reader. I hadn’t given much thought to what I want to do after quitting my job. Aside from help people and write, I mean. So I’ll be thinking and writing about that over the next few days.

Also, I have to post an update on my debt resolution plans. They’re bold, I will admit, but anything worth doing or having requires effort. Time to roll up my sleeves and get it done!

Feel free to visit the blog. Read, rate and comment. I’d love to hear your thoughts, opinions and feedback!

TheNext6Months.com