asherbasher09

okay so this might sound like rambling and like im jumping from subject to subject, but bare with me, i need to get it out…

so i want to lose weight, and i need to lose weight…about 20 pounds to be average and healthy. The thing is i don’t know if i want to lose weight…i mean i want to, but at the same time its like whats the point? i should be happy with who i am and what i look like. I am, happy i mean. At least i try to be, i tell myself its okay, and that even though im not the victoria secret model i am beautiful in my own way, but sometimes, i just can’t do it, i break. I can be okay with how i look at home, when no one else is around to compare myself to, but when i get out in public there are always the more beautiful people…the girls people notice. I tell myself that its okay, i am noticed to, but i don’t know if its enough. I think im scared to lose weight. I know i want to and i would look great without the extra poundage, but i think the problem is deep down i think im not going to be happy after i’ve lost 20 or so pounds, so why bother even working for something im unsure about? At this point i don’t know if i am mentally preventing myself from losing weight, because if i do lose the weight, it would be like now what? whats next? And yes, i would feel accomplished, i mean losing 20 pounds isn’t something everyone is willing to do, but does my unwillingness mean i am one of the people who won’t lose weight? Am i mentally preventing myself from losing weight because i am afraid of failure? am i so afraid that i can’t lose weight…that i have given up on trying? i think i am afraid… even though i’m still unsure of why exactly it is i am so afraid

thanks for letting me kind of “vent” in my own way…
even though i don’t know how much of this had to do with the subject at hand..

okay, so i havent even been trying as hard lately…like barley working out, and eating less, and i lost 3 pounds in 3 weeks! which doesnt sound like much, but for me it is! i can’t lose weight ever, and i finally have started!
unfortunatly, i feel gross, and i really want to get rid of my love handles..for GOOD. therefore i actully need to start doing some more excercises and crunches to get rid of it! i NEED to wear a bikini (good-bye tankini) by spring break for the beach!

Start: 160lbs
Current: 159lbs
Goal: 140lbs
Difference: 19lbs
Week 1: 1 lbs
Week 2: 0

So unfortunatly i didnt lose any weight this week..and i worked out 5 days total! the only problem is that i haven’t changed my eating habits enough..i think thats the hardest thing for me to do, change what i eat, i love junk food, so when i’m hungrey thats what i head for. Anyone have some ideas for how to break my bad eating habits?! Anyways, not losing weight this past week just means that i need to lose 2 pounds this coming week, in order to be back on track! i can do this!