ashleigh1991

I’m currently laying in bed in the psych ward of a perth hospital. I’m going home tomorrow. Is it too early, Perhaps. Do I feel ready to re enter the world. No. Should I have been more honest to the psychs about my depression. yes. But I just want out of here.

Things that cause me anxiety.

1. Ex
2. Ex’s girlfriend
3. Me
4. Friends or lack thereof

I can’t even think of other things. I must make an appointment to see someone as an outpatient. I must. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. There is nothing like being holed up in a psych ward. Have I been better in here. Yes mostly, as far as depression goes. Its just so crap here. I want to be home. I don’t know how i will cope.

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Spent the countdown in the emergency room. Admitted to psych ward. Almost sent to mental institution. Happy Fucking New Year. Bored as hell. Pissed off. Just want to go home. Will give details another time.

It has been four months since scott killed himself. I’m numb to it. Just as I was numb until the funeral. I became a temporary alcoholic. A bottle of wine or two a night. Nights are always worse. I still would love to have a bottle of wine alot. But I only do sometimes. I tried to kill myself. Over a month ago now. I went to the hospital. I was fine. Dissapointing. My friend julia came straight to my flat when I told her. I will forever be greatful knowing she cared.

I dont think I can do this on my own. How long have I tried? too long. My mum is seeing a social worker/whatever for depression. She will hook me up. I dont know what I need, but I dont want another repeat of 2009. I thought 2007 was a bad year. 2008 was worse, I thought 2009 would be better. It was the worst year of my life. Dont dissapoint me 2010.