ashrilla

Finally down to $1,000. 1+ year to go to pay it off :[

I use to have control. Or at least, I thought so. I had a job, wasn’t amazing, but it gave me money. I wasn’t living with my parents or being hand fed anything. I pushed myself to get over things, to be independent. I learned the world of paying bills and buying everything on my own. I was living in a nice big house and wasn’t paying rent [thx aunt kim haha], but I already had plans in my head of how it would be when I’d move into an apartment. I had plans to go to college. I had my dream car [Yaris! Don’t hate :D].

And then I fell in love. lol.
I moved far far away from everything and everyone I know.
Had to leave my car behind, my dog went to someone else, I spent the money I had saved extremely fast in order to even live, downgraded to a ghetto neighborhood and a closet for a bedroom with no privacy. I had to lose my job, and I have no sense of direction and no place to get away. I can’t got to college until I move out, but to move out I need a car, and to get a car I need a job so I can save money. Finding a job in L.A. is near impossible though.

I go insane most of the time. I know it’s my fault. I don’t point fingers though, not even at myself. I chose to come here. I really like L.A. more than anywhere I’ve been. It’s just getting on my feet to make everything happen. It’s hard though. I’ve become dependent on my boyfriend entirely. I was raised to never be dependent on a guy, or anyone else for that matter. I have more drive than anyone I’ve met here so far…yet I can’t get anywhere. I try to remind myself living in L.A. goes beyond most peoples goals, but living here you realize that it’s not the glamorous, amazing life that you see on tv…unless you were born into a ton of money.

I just wish I could get what I had back and live here at the same time.

I had my goal to lose 5 pounds by the end of Feb., but I kinda failed it lol. I’ve been working out at least 3x a week, playing tennis on Tuesdays, and now playing ITG/DDR on Thursdays.
I have no idea why I haven’t lost any weight. I’m more tone, and have sooo much more energy. I actually run around while playing tennis now haha. I was pretty lazy at first. And I can finally play a 6 step in ITG. My stamina is a lot better. I think I played almost 2 hours straight this past time.

I really hate to put it at 5 pounds, since I really wanted to hit my goal weight by my birthday [the 11th of April]. I know a high goal will only make me less motivated, and I already want to give up since my weight didn’t move this month after working out. Oh well, lets see how it goes!