audio_artist

wrote out an entry for each one of my things i want to do with my life

and what i found with a few of them was that im very unsure of some of things i want to do

maybe its not what i really want?

when i know what i really really want, there will be no fear, no uncertainty

only a drive to just do it, is that right? do people feel that?

am i right or wrong?

here i go again, being unsure, lol

i need to sit and contemplate what i really want

but at the same time aren’t i procrastinating

i think i need to meditate tomorrow…

a friend said to me, learn to be happy with what you’ve got now, maybe she’s right

sometimes i get scared, it’s not usually a strong feeling but i dont like it

i get scared in situations which are impractical and dont help

i got scared the other night playing open mic

i hadn’t done it for a long time, i was playing some new songs and i hadn’t really practised them

my voice was a bit shaky and i made a few mistakes

if i were confident i dont think these things would have happened

while performing i tried to be calm and connect with the stillness that lies beneath everything but it only worked for fleeting moments

i cant seem to feign confidence in these situations

i guess i just need to perform more

or maybe i should give up this type of performing, some people are just naturals, my friend could do it straight away without fear, why cant i?

i felt uncomfortable and scared singing my own songs

but playing bass to someone elses songs i was fine

i guess its the whole laying your soul out to people is scary

if people dont like your songs its very hard to take, maybe it was the vulnerability of the situation

i asked friends who are confidence performers what their advice was, they said that they’ve stopped caring what people think

in a way this is great

in a way i think this is sad

i want to care, i want to be emphatic

but its clashing with me wanting to be a great performer, what to do, what to do!

this has been a goal of mine for a long time

why i haven’t achieve it yet is a mystery

maybe i dont want it enough?

perhaps its the chronic writers block im feeling

i need a kick up the ass