shanti

i’m changing this to:

be a completely different person by this time next year
or
have a completely different attitude by this time next year

because my life won’t change until i do…

Sleep actually comes easier now that I exercise. And decaf. Always decaf.

I’m pretty confrontational. It’s something that I need to control.

I do this during long car rides. I smile at people at bus stops and stuff.

They always smile back :)

First day of school today. Wish me luck, I’m about to tackle that LOAD of homework.

I have my permit, but I hate driving so I don’t practise much. Which is bad.

I don’t live too far from school and I’ve biked there before. However, there aren’t any really great bike paths that lead there. I always have to bike on the side of really busy streets. :(

It’s hard for a high-school student to get around, so I’ve never been out of the country (other than Canada). I’m trying to fit more traveling in because I really want to see the world. I hope that traveling can somehow fit into my career of choice.

I’m actually going to Costa Rica next May and I’m so excited!

I went jogging today for the first time in forever! It was hard, but I felt amazing afterwards. I’m also planning on signing up for a yoga class this fall.

I’m excited.

I got a really short cut last fall. It really worked for me. I was trying to go back to my natural hair color, which could only be achieved by growing my hair out. I didn’t dye it the whole summer and I cut all of the died hair off before school started. I’m glad that I did it. I got a lot of compliments and I look a lot older. It also compliments my face because I have small features. And I love spiking my hair :D.
But I was totally freaked out throughout the whole haircut process. Change scares me.

I bought a bunch of dresses last year and I love them all!

I have a bunch of movies, but I’d like to get a dvd case + new movies!

This is a cool idea. I may start.

I just did this…it was pretty hard. I didn’t really want to post it, but I decided to anyway. Here goes:

1) I’m not afraid to disagree with people
2) I ‘m somewhat photogenic
3) I’m very open-minded
4) I have dimples and people notice
5) Strangers think I’m pretty
6) I have blue eyes
7) I look like my mom
8) I like to look nice
9) My feet never grew past a size 7 (okay, maybe a 7.5)
10) I’ve never needed braces
11) Parents and teachers almost always like me
12) I’m polite
13) I’m a good reader and writer
14) I’m slim
15) I have bigish lips
16) I have a plan for the rest of my life
17) I look and act differently than most people my age
18) I look older than I am
19) When I go out, I’m usually the youngest person there
20) I don’t spend all of my time in suburbia
21) I know who I like, who I don’t like, and why
22) I can dance without looking like a complete idiot
23) I’m a vegetarian and not because it’s cool right now
24) I don’t label myself and I tell people not to
25) I have strong opinions
26) I’m not dependent on anyone
27) I know what I’m looking for
28) I’m actually hopelessly romantic and sensitive, but nobody know it
29) My eyes always water up at the end of the movie
30) I can’t relate to most of humanity (this is a comfort)
31) I’m not religious
32) I’m always the calm one
33) Some people are intrigued by me
34) I create things for myself
35) I have pretty nails
36) I’m not a completely hopeless guitar or piano player
37) I suck at public speaking, but i try anyway
38) People always notice me
39) I don’t have a myspace
40) I list film directors, not movies
41) I’m Turkish, not American
42) I’m going to leave here as soon as I can
43) I never eat fast food and my favorite restaurant is not Apple Bees or Old Country Buffet
44) I do co-ops, not Cub (or farmers markets) and local, not Starbucks
45) I’m pretty secretive
46) I went through all of the bad stages at a young age, so I’m over what everyone else is doing now
47) I hardly ever watch television
48) I’m aware
49) I’m not one of them
50) I can always remember my dreams when I wake up

I’m giving up. I’ve figured it out – I don’t really need to find the people like me, I just need to find people who understand me. I probably wouldn’t get along with people like me anyway.

I went cold turkey six years ago. I feel so great. :)

I get more out of a movie when i’m alone, I’m not thinking about the other person’s reaction the whole time. I think it would be fun, but it’ll take some confidence.

Ugh. I don’t like the people that I hang out with. They spend all of their time gossiping and backstabbing. They’re quite brutal, actually. I’m actually SUPRISED when I meet nice people. I’m always thinking “wow, they’re so nice!”, when they’re actually just being normal.

So. I start out angry because nobody understands me. Then, whenever someone starts to catch on – I tell them that they’re absolutely wrong. So they change thier minds. So…nobody really understands me, but it’s basically my fault. Damn.

I don’t know how I did it, but I haven’t hated my body since last year. I’m actually happy with myself…and it just happened.